2/10/14, Mixed Blessing

Hi everyone, well here it is again. Valentine’s Day. The very words bring back an avalanche of memories, not all of them pleasant. Although there were a few great ones. The father of 8 of my children proposed to me the day before Valentine’s Day, that was a GREAT Valentine’s Day. The best ever. And there were romances that provided some lovely Valentine’s Days, and my marriages, and then there has been a gray area about it since. More than any other day of the year, Valentine’s Day is a day that says you MUST be in a couple, or have someone madly in love with you, drooling at your feet, or sweeping you off your feet. It would be lovely to get all dressed up and go to a romantic dinner, to have someone wine and dine you, and enjoy that incredible feeling of being madly in love.Or better yet, getting proposed to on Valentine’s Day. What could be better than that? True love.

But real life being what it is, that isn’t always the case. Sometimes a romance or marriage may have gone flat or ended, and sometimes for whatever reason, at some point, we all wind up spending Valentine’s Day alone. You can be a totally nice person, and even a very attractive one, and the right man or woman of the hour doesn’t materialize. And therein lies the challenge of this one very special day of the year. What do you do when you have no one to spend it with, when you’re all by yourself, have no one to spend the evening with, and no one has sent you candy or flowers, or a valentine?

I’ve shared with you before that I was the only girl in 3rd grade who didn’t get a Valentine. I think it made me somewhat doubtful about Valentine’s Day at an early age. And later as an adult, you see special preparations in restaurants, or hear of a friend’s dinner plans for that night (with a smug expression, of ha ha!! I have a date and you don’t!!!….thanks a lot). Even more than New Year’s Eve, which is a couple holiday too, Valentine is the one night of the year when if no one is in love with you, and you’re not dating anyone, you feel like a total loser.
It’s tough coming up with a solution that makes it hurt less. I even went to a Sunday church service once, just a regular one, on Valentine’s Day, where they had all the couples stand up so we could applaud them, and the rest of us all stayed seated, and wanted to hide under the church pews. Did the priest have to single us out to show the entire congregation that no one wanted us? The couples were each handed a flower on the way out of church, and the rest of us uncoupled ones left empty handed, in deep sorrow and shame. That was a VERY depressing Valentine’s Day, and definitely a low point. (I complained to the priest about it later, who was totally stunned by how the un-coupled people felt at that service).

Like all things, we will make it through this one. It’s only one day of the year. It would be nice to have flowers and candy and a partner to love us. And this could just be an off year. But if we are alone on this fateful day, it seems worthwhile to remind you that the man of your dreams may be right around the corner, and may have appeared by next year. And in the meantime, we have to be good sports about it, and smile at the irony of it .Some of the most appealing women I know have been date-less on Valentine’s Day. When the time is right, we’ll have someone to share it with. And if this is an off year, and you don’t have a date, try to focus on the fact that you don’t know who will wander into your life next week, or next month or next year. He may be just the one you’re waiting for now.
Try not to assume that if you’re alone now, you’ll be alone forever. I strongly doubt that. So for some of us, Valentine’s Day will be a non-event. If that’s the case for you, try to do something fun and see what happens next year.

love, danielle