Life as an Object, and the Green Eyed Monster
I read a quote of Marilyn Monroe’s once that really struck a chord with me. She said that being famous is experiencing “Life as an Object”. And it struck me as so true. There are of course benefits to being famous, if you’re successful, can support your family, people give you good service in restaurants and allegedly treat you well. There are undeniable advantages, but also downsides that people don’t think about, everything from kidnapping threats, to hate mail, and random insults from strangers, who are inexplicably angry that you’re famous. People take advantage of you, lie about you, try to use you in subtle or obvious ways. I find that if you’re famous, you have to work ten times as hard, proving that you’re a nice person and a real one, because people automatically assume that you’re not a nice person if you’re famous, how could you be? Well, you can be. Nice people get famous too. It happens. You don’t necessarily become famous by being a monster, usually you become famous by being competent at what you do. Why would that make you a bad person? One of my best friends admits that before she met me, she thought she would hate me, and was surprised when she didn’t. Another friend says much the same thing. Why is the presumption that one will be hateful or worth hating, if one is famous? That’s a tough assumption to make about someone, and really not fair.
Beyond that, we are all targets for jealousy among those we know. It is stunning to realize how many jealous people there are in the world. We are all vulnerable to other people’s jealousy, because of how we look, or what we have, who we are related to, who our children are, the size of our house, or even for things we can’t imagine. Somewhere out there among those we know, or those we don’t, are people envious of what we have and angry that we have it. In the recent embezzlement I experienced, the embezzler told the court that she had done it out of jealousy, purely that. She envied what I have, so she decided to just take it, and cited jealousy as the reason. It’s pretty scary to think that anyone could be that jealous of us. And I’m sure there are people who are jealous of you too. And jealous people don’t want to just take things, they want to take our happiness, our peace of mind, our good reputations. I find that kind of unseen and unsuspected jealousy focused on me profoundly upsetting. Even if all someone is jealous of is the handbag you’re wearing, or the vacation you’re about to take, I find it a very scary thing. None of us want that kind of negative attention focused on us. Sometimes even the people we love are jealous of us. And unhappy people don’t want others to be happy, they are not happy about your good relationship or your happy marriage, they are jealous of it and wish you didn’t have it. That is just plain scary!!! And the more you have, emotionally or materially, the bigger target you are for other people’s jealousy.
As a woman, it complicates things even further. It’s okay for a man to be successful, but for most people, and most men, it is not okay for a woman to be successful. A man is presumed to be a hero if he’s successful, and others flock around him, women want to be with him, and men want to be his friend, hoping that some of that good fortune will rub off. If a woman is successful, it is instantly assumed that she must be tough as nails, probably a bitch (sorry to be so blunt), or even surely a bitch (even if she clearly isn’t), and men are terrified of her. In thinking about it, I have never been involved with a single man, married to one or otherwise, who wasn’t jealous and angry about my success, overtly or covertly. Some are actually brave enough to say it, and have, others take it out on you and punish you subtly and not so subtly. I have never known a single man who could tolerate my success, without punishing me for it. And most men wouldn’t come near a woman who is successful. Success is almost a guarantee of solitude for a woman, or a beacon to people who want to take advantage of it. It makes one’s seat at the top of the mountain a lonely place, unnecessarily so. There are plenty of successful women who are nice people, but few men who are willing to believe that, can tolerate it, or want to give her a chance. And there is a definite double standard for men and women. Most men are suspicious of successful women. But they admire a successful man.
I hate to admit, but I think Marilyn was right. Fame really can lead to people treating you like an object. And beyond that, jealousy is such a dangerous thing. It leads people to do terrible things to other people. I have spent an entire lifetime downplaying my success, in the world, and with those close to me, trying to live quietly, and living ‘below the radar’, without offending anyone, but in spite of that there will always be people who dismiss you, or want to hurt you for being successful. It really is a shame. I think jealousy is one of the most destructive forces in the world. And jealous people are good to stay away from, if we are aware that they are. And you don’t have to be famous to be a target for jealousy, all you have to have is something that someone else wants. Let’s all hope that we stay away from the jealous people in our lives!!! They’re good people to stay away from!!!
love, danielle
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I can agree with this completely. Someone in my family is jealous of me and it’s like hell on earth everyday. You try to do everything you can to get them to like you and they don’t. Jealously-It’s dangerous and down-right stupid if you ask me. I’m learning to stay away from people that are like that because the only thing they do is try to keep you down because they can’t have themselves.
Thanks for shraring this,
Avanti
Danielle you’re absolutely right! And jealousy is a scary thing because it drives people to do really low and nasty things. I experienced it a few months ago. This girl whom I dont know from Adam was jealous of me because she thought I was getting too much attention from the opposite sex and wanted some for herself. She began writing me letters calling me a whore which i’m not, and a fat bitch, she also called me pathetic for posting pictures of myself on you tube which I haven’t done and even if I did it’s got nothing to do with her.
She also got involved in a discussion I was having with my friend which had nothing to do with her and made many unkind comments about me, yet I have done nothing to her, never said an unkind or mean word or done an unkind thing to her that is until she started callimg me horrible names and of course I defended myself.
A woman’s jealousy of another woman is one of the worst things to experience. Some women don’t like to see others who are happy, pretty, sexy, confident, successful etc. Those kind of women are usually not happy with their own lives and so they seek some comfort or satisfaction in trying to make life unpleasant for the person whom they envy.
And there is definately a double standard where men and women are concerned and it’s not just limited to success but in nearly all major things. For example it’s no big deal if a man dates a younger woman, but if a woman dates a much younger man people seem to have much more of a problem with it. But I wouldn’t change being a woman for the world. It’s just a shame that there are so many jealous women out there…and the people that are closest to you are likely to be the most jealous. I’m glad that I have the gift of being able to figure people out very quickly and those who are up to no good I
Danielle you’re absolutely right! And jealousy is a scary thing because it drives people to do really low and nasty things. I experienced it a few months ago. This girl whom I dont know from Adam was jealous of me because she thought I was getting too much attention from the opposite sex and wanted some for herself. She began writing me letters calling me a whore which i’m not, and a fat bitch, she also called me pathetic for posting pictures of myself on you tube which I haven’t done and even if I did it’s got nothing to do with her.
She also got involved in a discussion I was having with my friend which had nothing to do with her and made many unkind comments about me, yet I have done nothing to her, never said an unkind or mean word or done an unkind thing to her that is until she started callimg me horrible names and of course I defended myself.
A woman’s jealousy of another woman is one of the worst things to experience. Some women don’t like to see others who are happy, pretty, sexy, confident, successful etc. Those kind of women are usually not happy with their own lives and so they seek some comfort or satisfaction in trying to make life unpleasant for the person whom they envy.
And there is definately a double standard where men and women are concerned and it’s not just limited to success but in nearly all major things. For example it’s no big deal if a man dates a younger woman, but if a woman dates a much younger man people seem to have much more of a problem with it. But I wouldn’t change being a woman for the world. It’s just a shame that there are so many jealous women out there…and the people that are closest to you are likely to be the most jealous. I’m glad that I have the gift of being able to figure people out very quickly and those who are up to no good I delete from my life.
P.S. I accidentally posted this comment unfinished this is the full comment.
Amen.
As I was a victim of it as a child, my mother used to tell me “jealously is a bad disease.” I remember wanting to dispose of all my conspicuous, material possessions, and once I did, the same offenders found another reason to taunt me.
So, smile and be grateful for your success, letting in no other thoughts.
Danielle,
Danielle,
Im saddend by the recent events that you , your family and employees had to endure . About a year ago a family member decided to alter my Grandmothers will. So Many thoughts and questions went through my mind . As well as anger and a seperation that I doubt will ever heal . I personally don’t understand the idea of wanting for someone else’s money. And to envy and lust after it is a sickness fueled by the ego deciding it is more deserving and it will somehow add fullfillment and joy. I’m quite certain that the damage done is much greater than the prize. Looking forward to brighter days…As always wishing you the best !
Fondly, Adrian
Fondly Adrian
Very good! YES, NUT CASES are out there and I would caution you with any man like I have said before, who do not smother you with 6000 shoes and smiles all the way to the jet you board for dinner that night!
As far as help, hire retired well off people who just want to be busy. I was hired to manage a household of work staff. I was shocked to see what they were doing as soon as the owner stepped out. They were even more shocked when I told them get busy and do that over, and or GET TO WORK. One day a woman in the same spot said to my lady friend……I WANT HER NUMBER and she looked at me and said I want you to work for me. My gal sheepishly said I don’t think Janice has openings. Danielle, make sure you get a good feeling and that they have assets and in my case I am single so I am off on the trips and take care of the people who need a watch dog. Just make sure they have plenty and love you and your family and most important understand what it takes to get where you are. I to made it as a woman and I can soooo relate. I could have you write my book and it would be a best seller!
Take care dear one!
Dear Ms Steel,
With the Internet these days jealous “haters” have become an even bigger problem.
People can be very cruel to even complete strangers so please Ms Steel just try to ignore it.
If you think about this too much it will just drive you crazy and those “people” will be affecting you which is what they want. When people get no reaction they get bored.
Look on the bright side perhaps these awful experiences could inspire some really nasty characters in your next book.
Your children love you and also have plenty of fans worldwide who love you too! Focus on the good and as for the “haters” they can all go fudge off!
I saw your interview today on a morning talk show, and for sure you seem like a nice person….funny, perceptive, sensitive, and someone who loves life, as bitter or sweet as it comes. You seem easily relatable as a person…and especially as a woman. I loved the part where you are enjoying single life without the pressures of making a man satisfied. That seems a gargantuan task…making a man happy…especially if you’ve married a perfectionist who is not happy with anything. Thanks for sharing yourself, it brightend up my day and encouraged me.
Hi Danielle ~
Your post reminds me of the old saying be careful what you wish for. How true. Many of us wish for the success that you have. We don’t realize that there is a certain amount of unhappiness that comes with it if you’re not careful and aware. I learned at a very young age (I was in my teens when I realized this) that instead of being jealous of someone, compliment them! Tell them how you feel – that you envy their success and are happy for them. Complimenting someone is a lot easier than going home and wishing that person would lose their success and happiness. I have complimented people who didn’t even deserve a compliment and felt really good afterwards. I learned to laugh at my own mistakes and let people know that I am not perfect. Many times in my life all I would have to do is walk into a room full of women and BANG! Someone there automatically hates me and I didn’t even do anything to deserve it. That’s just life and there will always be people out there who are like that. Yes, you are right about everything you said. Well, just know that you are loved by your true fans who only want the very best for you. When you downplay your own talents and successes in life, you actually chip away at the very core of yourself that makes you so wonderful in the first place. Hold your head high, be proud of who you are and above all, stay true to yourself because that is what we love about you. I wish you the very best that life can bring. *Hugs*
Every word you have stated here is true, and very well put (of course,you are a writer). It is a very sad reflection upon our American culture, that in spite of all the years of struggle and progress, those words can still be true. Each time a fairy tale depicts saviors and those in power as male, and each time a movie makes the protagonist a ‘bitch’ when she succeeds in a difficult world, the culture is enhanced, subtly day after day, little by little. Change is slow, we are gradually getting there, with the Oprah’s of the world and the ‘Danielle Steeles’ of the world…you yourself are a big part of American culture, your work over a lifetime is not lost on the few with the jealous spirits and the insecure psyche’s ….most of us admire you quietly…you will never hear a word from most of us….that is why I am leaving my imprint on your blog. Keep being Danielle Steele, you are making a change in the world too.
It is sad that there are people like this out there. I’ve have grown up learning not to judge others for what they are like in life, only understand that a piece of their lives went missing somewhere or is still missing now. There are really no bad people in the world just bad experiences that have turned us into monsters with mouths and a warped sense of thinking. And it’s these things that lead us to make choices that can be hurtful to others. This makes it easier for me to heal from a wound that was cause by someone’s words or actions. I am not perfect, neither are they. If I want to be forgive for my mistakes I must learn to forgive others as well.
A Canadian fan!