Hi Everyone…..I’ve had theories on this subject for a long time, about the value and importance of our ‘tribes’, our original families, in order to share not just pearls of wisdom on important subjects, but all the little pieces of knowledge that our elders pick up along the way in life that apply to sickness, child rearing, childbirth, in the case of women, and undoubtedly things that men need to know as well, and learn from their fathers, brothers, and older relatives. More primal ‘tribes’ long before urban living always had wise men in the tribe, Medicine Men, or simply Elders, who imparted valuable information and were greatly respected for their sage advice. Families provide the same kind of traditions and information, about everything from cooking a traditional favorite meal, to simple health advice, to the best way to get from one place to another. And often, the old fashioned grandmotherly ‘recipes’ and solutions work best. Our ancestors relied on their relatives to tell them how to take care of their children, how to adapt to being a young married, or to learn a craft or a skill. But today, many of those skills and traditions have disappeared, and in many cases, our ‘tribes’ no longer exist. Some of that information now is provided by ‘experts’, how-to books, friends, even strangers, but in my opinion it’s not the same, and we have lost a very, very valuable source of comfort and information with the disbanding of our ‘tribes’, for many reasons. And our families and tribes may be annoying at times, but what they have to share with us is extremely valuable, and sometimes amounts to nothing more than a good dose of common sense. » read more »

As many or most of you know, I lost a son, at 19, sixteen years ago (this week). Nick was bipolar all his life, and committed suicide, on his fourth attempt (he tried it the first time at 18, and succeeded 11 months later). And although the other term for bipolar is ‘manic-depressive’, most of the time, he didn’t seem like a depressed person, and when he wasn’t okay, he was more ‘manic’ than depressive. But above all, he was an amazingly fantastic kid, funny, multi-talented, creative, outrageous, nothing fazed him, and he did all the funny outrageous things that most of us wish we had the courage to do. (He politely but definitely leaned over to the restaurant table next to ours once, when he was about 16, had a spoonful of someone’s hot fudge sundae, and said “Wow, that is yummy!!”. And he was so funny and charming and surprising, with the biggest smile you’ve ever seen, that the people with the sundae just laughed and couldn’t get mad at him (although I nearly fell out of my chair with embarrassment when he did it!!). You could never predict what he would do next!

Hard as it is to believe, Nick would be 35 now. That seems ridiculous, because in my heart and head, and memory, he will be a teenager forever. And when he was in his teens, doctors would neither diagnose bi-polar, nor medicate it. The belief then was that you couldn’t diagnose bipolar disease until someone’s early twenties, and doctors refused medication for it before that. It was a major victory then when I got medication for him at 16, and considered way, way, way too early. The doctor who gave him the medication, finally, understood the problems better, as he was bipolar himself. And there are a great many educated, talented, successful people who are bipolar. And not everyone dies of bipolar disease, just like not everyone dies of cancer, but some do. And untreated, bipolar can be lethal. From the moment Nick was put on lithium at 16, everything in his life changed. He said he felt normal for the first time in his life, and he went to school and did well, was happy, and pursued a career in music. He had three happy years on the medication, until it stopped working as well for him, and he went off it a few times and ultimately died. Today, bipolar is diagnosed as early as age 3, and medicated at 4 or 5, perhaps younger. And the belief now is that if they are medicated early, they can actually lead a better, healthier life. But that was unheard of when Nick was that age, and simply not available to us. It’s hard to know, but possibly if he had been medicated earlier, he might still be alive today. It was probably already too late for Nick by the time we got medication for him at 16. I don’t think he was destined to be here long, and when I read his diaries afterwards, I discovered that he had been contemplating suicide since he was eleven, although one would never have suspected it, if you knew him. (I wrote a book about him afterwards, called “His Bright Light”)

That’s the sad part of the story. The happy part is that he was a happy, exuberant, wild funny kid. He could always make you laugh, and laughed a lot himself. He discovered hair dye at about 15, and worked his way through turquoise, royal blue, and green, before settling on black which suited him (better than green). I think his most distinctive personality trait was how funny he was. He was incredibly smart, had a genius IQ, and had a huge talent for music. He began singing with a band at 15, sang with another band at 17, and they were becoming very successful by the time he died. He was the lead singer and worked hard, and had gone on tour with his band three times. He was hugely talented and dedicated to singing, being a musician, and writing lyrics (which were actually good), and there are still CD’s of his work being sold, the band he achieved the most success with was Link 80. He sang and played punk rock and reggae. » read more »

Hi,

As you all know, now and then I air my pet peeves, so here goes.

There is a phenomenon that I have encountered for a long time, years, which I always take personally, has irritated me considerably, and I figured that people just do to me to be annoying. I just discovered that I am not the only one it happens to, and I think it is something that only men do to only women, and not just to me.

It goes like this, I run into a man I know or meet at a dinner party for the first time in a long time. After hello, they open with, “So, are you still writing?” Hmmm…..this immediately suggests to me that they have not read the NY Times (bestseller list) in many years, the Wall Street Journal, or maybe they don’t read at all. Yes, I am STILL writing. What this does is that it immediately puts my writing into the category as a hobby. As in, are you still taking piano lessons, doing macrame, have a parrot? I don’t have a huge ego about my work, but let’s face it, for me it is a job. A job I love, and I have been doing it since I was 19 years old. I have been in the Guinness book of world records repeatedly for having a book on the bestseller list for more weeks consecutively than whoever. Yes, for Heaven’s sake, I am still writing. It’s my work, my job, how my family eats and went to college. People said that comment to me when I was 35. Now when they say it, I get even more insulted because I think they’re suggesting I must be too old to write, but it’s actually not about that. (And I’m not that old yet). The comment is an immediate put down. It is a way of suggesting that what I do is really not very important. Women NEVER ask me that question. But SOME men do. The men who do, I find, are VERY uncomfortable about my success at what I do, and VERY annoyed by it. The other really ridiculous comment is “You have an AGENT?” Of course I have an agent, I have written 130 books that are sold in 69 countries in 43 languages—they think maybe I write letters by hand and send them to publishers around the world to sell my books? Of course I have an agent (a fabulous one I love). I never say to guys, “So are you still a lawyer?…A doctor?…A brain surgeon?” They would think I’m nuts if I did. But men who are annoyed by women’s success in business have to find a way to put them down. And what better way to insult someone than minimize what they do, imply that it’s really insignificant, and inquire if they’re still doing it? Are you still bungee jumping off your mother’s roof?? Having contests to see how many grapes you can squeeze into your mouth?? (That was so much fun when I was about 8). I was actually a pogo stick champion when I was about 10, and no I am not doing that anymore. But YES, I AM STILL WRITING. In fact, I finished a book about an hour ago. It is SUCH a dumb question coming from an intelligent person. If you walk into a bookstore, open a newspaper, or whatever, you can see that I am ‘still’ writing. The worst form of that was at a dinner party I went to years ago. I sat down, I smiled at the man next to me and I’m a shy person, and he barked at me, “Who do you think you are?” Was that a trick question? No it was a man who was so uptight about what I’ve accomplished that he needed to be insulting before he even met me, to make himself feel better. The other comment men like to make is another winner “My maid just loves your books”. Really, well thank God for her. There are LOTS of men who DON’T have an issue with women being successful in business, but unfortunately some who do. I love talking to men who aren’t threatened by women who work, do it well, and do well at it. It’s a pleasure to talk to them. But the ones with a chip on their shoulder really are a bore and not much fun. » read more »

When my family and I go on vacation, we tend to become sedentary, and stay put where we are. We don’t seem to be the kind of people who explore the area, take helicopter rides over volcanoes, or even go out to dinner to local restaurants. Once we plant ourselves somewhere for our family vacation, and there are a lot of us, adventure trips aren’t part of the plan. We lie in the sun all day, there is lots of swimming, occasionally some fishing if we’re on a boat, and evenings together wherever we are staying, and everyone seems happy that way. And when we were on a boat, we left the boat at night once during a trip for dinner off the boat. But most of the time, the kids and I were happy at anchor somewhere (off Corsica or Sardinia, or tied up at some rocks outside the tiny port of Portofino), and not even going into port. And we usually had one nightclub adventure per trip, but we haven’t done that in a few years. And this year, we had a lot of fun at night playing a game called “Catch Phrase”, which you pass around like a hot potato, playing what looks like Charades, with a timer and a buzzer to add tension to the game as you try to describe the ‘phrase’ on the screen without actually saying the words. In our case, it involves a lot of screaming, shrieking, and laughing, and the family is divided into two teams. I love the game!! We also play a lot Scrabble, some cards and liar’s dice. We read in the sun (they read other people’s books, not mine, it’s hard to be a hero on your own turf), and have lunch and dinner together every day. Our vacations involve my five younger children, each brings a friend or significant other. My three older married children make their own plans and have young children. And the younger five and I + their 5 friends or SO’s spend a week together in France or Italy, and have since they were born. The older ones were part of the group until they married a few years ago and had their own kids, and enjoy doing different things now with their own families. So there are eleven or twelve of us now on our family vacation every summer. And we love being lazy, relaxing, and having fun together. And as we do every summer, we decided to go out for one dinner, and stayed comfortably at our hotel the rest of the time. (We’re a big group to move around, so we do very little moving during our vacation week). » read more »

Hi everyone…..With two members of my staff pregnant this summer (with a girl and a boy), talk of baby names has been rife in my office. Well, actually, not really baby names. The naming game is one that I am VERY familiar with. With 9 kids, we struggled through that several times, finding just the right name, and we still like the ones we chose. (My kids are all in my dedications, so you’ve probably seen their names many times before). And every time I start a book, I pore over all my old baby name books, to find just the right ones for the characters. It’s amazing how a name can sometimes portray the personality of a character. Sometimes I’ve used complicated ones, and at other times simpler ones, and often foreign ones. » read more »

Hi Everyone,

Life is certainly always a mix of many components, happy, sad, silly, serious, absurd. (Personally, I always like the absurd moments, which make me laugh. And after 2 weeks of high fashion fun in Paris with my daughters, followed by 2 weeks of intense writing, I finally emerged this week to get out, see some friends, and take a breather, before going right back to work.

In the intermission, two events caught my attention which are thought-provoking today, and worth sharing with you, » read more »

Hi Everyone,

I’m traveling and writing so I will return to the blog next week.

Have a great week!

Love, Danielle