Hi Everyone,

I hope you have a day off today, and are enjoying early summer activities and good pre-summer weather somewhere.

Memorial Day has several ‘layers’ to it, and meanings to many of us. On the light side, it’s the first landmark of summer, and unofficially marks the beginning of summer, even though officially it’s still several weeks away. For people with country homes, you start dragging out the outdoor furniture, getting the barbecue ready, cleaning up the damage and debris of winter, and sprucing things up for the summer (power washing, and painting things that got battered during the winter months and harsher weather). My husband and I used to work hard for all of Memorial Day weekend, doing all those things, getting our country home ready for the summer. Spring cleaning, and getting things ready for our kids. It’s a hopeful sign that summer is almost here.

It’s also a day to remember veterans, and people who have served in the Armed Forces, and those who lost their lives defending our country, and those still surviving. The two veterans I know best are a 93 year old friend who served in World War II, has fascinating history to share, and marches in a Memorial Day parade every year, and will again today. And a wonderful woman friend, who served nine years in the Navy, is a psychologist, deeply involved in the field of mental health, and a really extraordinary woman. Two VERY impressive veterans.

And in a broader sense we remember and honor our lost loved ones, or people we respect and knew. Too many come to mind this year. I got a beautiful photograph this week of Robin Williams, from his family, with a quote from “The Little Prince” and a poem by e.e.cummings. I smiled, looking at the photograph of him, and stopped to think about him. What a terrible loss it was when he died last August, and what an amazing legacy he has left us with his films. How many times he made us laugh, or brought a tear to our eye with a tender moment. The elegance of Oscar de la Renta, with so much charm, wit, brilliance, and style. The loss of so many innocent people, with the recent Charlie Hebdo attacks in France, and the German plane brought down in the Alps, which took 150 innocent people with it. It’s a lot to digest, think about, and remember. And on a more personal level, the people we knew personally and cherished, who have gone on. A little boy lost to friends recently, a week before his first birthday, born with a severe heart defect. And my own son Nick, who died at nineteen, full of talent, and charm, funny and handsome, the light and love of our lives, as he always will be.

It’s a day to remember them…to reflect on how precious life is, how lucky we were to know them, how they added to our lives, whether people we actually knew and loved, or our lives were enriched by them with the talents they contributed to the world, or if veterans who defended our country. It’s good to remember, and to honor them…and then to go on getting ready for the joys of summer, with so much to look forward to, good times ahead, and happy days. Life is so precious, and to be enjoyed to the fullest. Have a wonderful Memorial Day, whatever you’re doing today…

love, Danielle

Hi Everyone!

I’m going to take a week off from posting my blog, since i’m really busy writing at the moment. Have a great week!

love,
Danielle

Hi Everyone,

I hope all is well with you. I was very, very touched and pleased that you all liked my blog about the Shabbat Dinner, and were very interested in the fantastic red headed writer/film maker I mentioned, super active, still working hard, who just celebrated her 87th birthday. So I wanted to write to you to give you the info. Many of you wanted to read her book. She is the lady I mentioned who was deported at 14 or 15, and survived 4 concentration camps during World War II.

Her name is Marcelline Loridan-Ivens, and the book is called, in French, “Et tu n’es pas revenu”, which means “And you didn’t come back”. (The publisher is ‘Grasset’, a French publishing house). I don’t know if the book has been translated into English or not, but I imagine you could find out on the Internet. The title and the book really, refer to her father. She was caught and deported with him. They were separated in the camps they were in (in different buildings, but the same camps), but they managed to see each other a few times, but he didn’t survive the camps and was killed there. And she survived and went home to Paris when the camps were liberated at the end of the war. The book is incredibly poignant and touching, and clearly she and the whole family were deeply marked by her father’s not surviving. She talks about a letter her father wrote to her and managed to get to her in the camp. The deprivation, and the anguish, and the horrors of the camps come through her words so powerfully, when she speaks and when she writes. It’s quite a short book, but moved me tremendously. She goes right to the heart of the feelings and the experience. She’s a strong woman and a survivor, despite her tiny size. When she was deported, her mother and the two younger children escaped and were hidden by people for the rest of the war, and her two older siblings joined the Resistance and survived the war. (The Resistance were the brave people who did everything they could to sabotage the Germans while they occupied France). So out of 5 children, only she and her father were caught and deported to the concentration camps. And yet she survived it. She really is a monument to the strength of the human spirit. And the book is powerful and wonderful. I hope you can find it in a language you speak. It is a wonderful book!!!

Some of you were confused too by my saying I hadn’t been to a Shabbat dinner before, but ‘have been 3 or 4 times. When I went to the first Shabbat Dinner I was invited to, I had never been before. It was a Chanukah Dinner. Since then, the same friends have invited me 2 or 3 more times. I love it, and am always thrilled to go.

I hope you can find Marcelline’s book. I don’t usually answer questions in the blog, because there are so many of them. But so many of you asked about this lady, and her book, I really wanted you to know the information. Take care, and have a great week!!

love, Danielle

Hi Everyone,

I hope you had a good week last week. Mine was a little scrambled, with cancelled plans, sick kids, and a lot of work to do. The usual stuff of life that we all deal with every day. No one is exempt from petty aggravations, changes of plans, unexpected bills, flat tires and the things that annoy us all, not to mention the big things that shake us up more severely.

I’m working on a book, so I was going to keep it short here, and talk about The Big Event in our family: the opening of baseball season!! I love going to baseball games with my youngest son, who is an ardent fan. I have a collection of ‘acceptable’ outfits to support the Giants (who do great even without my support!!), orange loafers, orange and black shoes, a black and orange ‘fan’ jacket, orange sweaters so I don’t freeze when I go to the games. I love going to baseball games with my son (and all the junk I get to eat). So I’m excited that the season is starting. There is always something so wonderful and happy and patriotic about those games. It’s good All American fun!!! So, Go Giants!! Let’s hope they have a great season ahead of them!!! With another shot at the World Series at the end of it!!! » read more »

Hi Everyone,

After recent events and what appears to be a plane crash that was a suicide mission, it seems more important than ever to keep our thoughts clear, especially faced with events that are so hard to fathom. We have had many of them recently. Acts of terrorism seen on television with a human being burned alive as a message to the world, equally distressing acts of terrorism in Paris with people in a grocery store taken hostage and some killed, and now what appeared to be a healthy apparently normal young person allegedly turning a normal flight into a suicide mission, taking 150 innocents with him. The common thread here is that innocent people became victims and lost their lives while pursuing ordinary activities, buying bread, or taking a short flight in the course of a school trip, or on vacation. We are all the innocent victims of these acts, whatever the reasons for them, political or not. We somehow seem to get caught in the crossfire, or the acts of troubled minds, and our lives are changed forever. Even if we are in the outer circle of these acts, they shake our faith, our belief system, they engender fear as soon as we or our loved ones leave home. We worry about each other and ourselves, and a darkness takes hold of world thought, our trust in our fellow man is shaken, and the forces of evil appear to win another round. Most of us, wherever we live, whatever we do for a living, pursue ordinary lives, worry about our kids, groan at our taxes or when our car breaks down, we pay our bills, scold our kids, walk our dogs, buy our groceries, and do our laundry. We dont expect tragedy to strike us or those standing next to us in the course of our daily lives. We are profoundly shocked by the acts we read about, and disheartened. We dont feel as safe as we used to. We are all touched by it. We are in just as much danger in the parking lot of our local supermarket if someone goes nuts, as we are getting on a plane to someplace exotic. These random acts affect us all. We are linked by a bond of humanity that has been severely disrupted in recent months. These are not easy times to live in. And while our countries and leaders fight their battles, we are just trying to lead good, ordinary lives, and take care of our loved ones.

More than ever, with the reports we see now, and given the people who run amok on a grand or small scale, whatever the reasons, we need to focus on the things that keep us strong, and allow us to believe in the good things in life. And whatever one’s religion, the degree of one’s faith or none at all, the message that has always meant the most to me is that of “Resurrection” at this time of year. Much of the focus in Christian beliefs is on ‘crucifixion’ at this time of year, on unmerited punishment, and the pains that exist in all of our lives. The losses, the sorrows, the griefs, the things we do not always understand which befall us, and happen to us all. People we love die, people get sick, we lose jobs, money, houses, safety, security, we get divorced, mugged on the street, something happens to one of our kids, small griefs and large ones. It happens to us all, no one is exempt from the pains in life, though some people are luckier than others. But sadness hits us all at some point. But more important than the bad things is how we deal with them, how we get up again after we get knocked down, how we believe in people again, and ourselves, how we rise from the ashes of the flash fires in our lives. Resurrection. In the Christian faith, this week are the darkest days of the year, which honor the crucifixion of Christ on Good Friday. I have always liked crosses, but not crucifixes, which seems to put the emphasis on the wrong thing, to me. What seems most important is the notion of resurrection, rebirth, starting over, having the guts to get up and move forward again. Easter Sunday is the celebration of the resurrection, that rebirth, the power of life, instead of the message of death. Now to me, that positive message of rebirth seems something truly worth celebrating, whatever your beliefs. It is the message of not just survival, but of strength. We have all had bad things happen to us. The key, the most vital part is getting up again when you’ve been knocked down. I have a little saying on my office wall that says “Bounce Back”, just those two words to remind me, when I am in the pit of feeling sorry for myself, to get up and get going again. We HAVE to. No matter how hard, or how impossible it seems at times. We MUST continue, no matter what we see on the news, or what friend disappoints us, or what loved one hurts our feelings, or robs us of peace or good feelings. We cant let the bad guys win. We just cant. We cant afford to, or it pulls our own lives down. However we get there, with or without religious beliefs, we have to find rebirth in our own lives, even after reading about something like the plane that was brought down on a suicide mission, even when things are tough in our own lives. We have to bounce back. That is what makes the notion of resurrection so important. It’s a far bigger message than any other to me. I love all the warmth and coziness and shared joy and fun of Christmas, but the really big message, to me anyway, is the one of resurrection, of rebirth, of starting over, no matter how tough life or the world seems at the moment, or what we’ve been through. And the darker the world seems, the more important that message of rebirth is.

My wish for you, for myself, for each and all of us, and my prayer, is that you find that moment of rebirth, the strength to go on, or just stand up, that we continue to believe in the light and not the darkness. In some big or small way, may you find a moment of rebirth. We all need that. It is the very essence of hope.

One of my favorite sayings is what Anne Frank said, the young girl who was hidden with her family during the war, and eventually died in a concentration camp with them. She was 15 years old, and said “In spite of everything, I still believe that people are truly good at heart”. It sounds naive, we see and hear and know of so much evidence to the contrary. I cling to those words as a message of hope for us all.

May you have a moment of rebirth, of light shining into your heart and life, despite the darkness we hear and read about every day. Resurrection. Rebirth. The world needs your light to counter its darkness. May we all shine brightly together, no matter what we see and hear around us.

with all my love, Danielle

Hi Everyone,

It’s a somber quiet hello today after the events of the last week. Or The Event, the crash of the German airliner in the French Alps, flying between Spain and Dusseldorf, which now appears to have been a suicide mission on the part of the co-pilot—–and took 150 lives with it. 150 families and loved ones who will be forever affected by it, a tragedy of unimaginable proportions. And yes, there have been other, bigger ones, like 9/11 or natural disasters, but this was so unnecessary and is so profoundly shocking. And knowing that there were children, a class of adolescents and babies on the flight makes it even more horrifying.

For the moment, they are still piecing together the puzzle, and as a police detective (specialized in terrorism and aviation) I spoke to in Paris said, it has highlighted security failures in the system: a seemingly fail-safe anti-terrorist system which allowed the cockpit door to remain locked and would eventually open automatically after entry was refused several times—but too late in this instance, a rule which allowed only one pilot to be in the cockpit alone for a brief time (that rule was changed throughout Europe within hours of the crash. American regulations didn’t allow that, but the airline in this case was German, where a pilot could be alone in the cockpit briefly on that type of plane), and no psychological testing required for pilots of that airline. (It seems to be coming to light now in the investigation that the co-pilot had a history of psychological problems, and allegedly had not been cleared for flight that day). All circumstances which allowed the unimaginable, unthinkable to happen, if what they believe now is true, that a person/co-pilot with a history of mental issues crashed the plane into the mountains in order to commit suicide, and took a plane full of innocents with him. Apparently, the pilot (who had left the cockpit for a few moments) fought heroically to re-enter the cockpit, and even tried to break down the cockpit door with an axe, once his co-pilot had denied him re-entry, and was taking the plane down at a rapid rate. The drama ended within minutes and turned into tragedy. It is a haunting event which has touched us all. For anyone who flies, we all take our risks, as you do when you drive down the highway too. A mechanical failure or bad weather can bring a plane down, and today terrorism has become a factor we are all aware of, and was demonstrated so shockingly during 9/11. Similarly people who went to the grocery store to buy a loaf of bread risked and lost their lives when terrorists took over a grocery store in Paris recently, and tragedy struck there too. But to have to worry now about becoming part of a pilot or co-pilot’s suicide is a heavy dose of reality for us all. And it is always a tragedy when lives are lost, or even one life, whatever the circumstances.

Authorities are now looking for fragments of the victims’ bodies to return to their families, using DNA tests to identify even tiny pieces. It is ALL so unthinkable. The death of any loved one or family member, or even a good friend, changes your life forever. The absence of that person leaves a hole and an ache in your heart forever. The terrible ‘why’ it happened, trying to understand why they were struck by an illness, or being in the wrong place at the wrong time, a careless moment behind the wheel of a car, or why they may have been negligent for an instant. And to die in innocence seems such a terrible way to lose someone. And to be the victim of someone else’s suicide, in a circumstance where you are supposed to feel relatively safe and have no control, seems particularly awful. I was in Paris when it happened, and people all over Europe are badly shaken by it, as I am sure they are in the States too. I flew myself 3 days later, and I think the event was on everyone’s mind then as well, both passengers and crew seemed unusually quiet, and I felt that way too. It peels away a layer of safety and trust, and adds one more thing to worry about on the list, along with terrorism, mechanical failure, and bad weather.

The world seems so troubled these days, none of us feel totally safe anymore in our daily lives, wherever we live, whether put at risk by a crazed student on a campus, a shooter in a fast food store, as victims of an elaborate plot, or simply one lone moment of madness, as seems to have happened on the flight from Spain to Germany this week. What is making the world so much more tense, causing people to implode and commit unthinkable acts (like at the Boston Marathon), fall prey to politics which injure others, or take others with them in an act of suicide? We hear about too many of these events. It crosses our minds more often, and we and our loved ones seem so much more at risk in the world today. I think about it each time my children fly, or I do, and probably you do too. And even a life lived more locally is not without risk, if you can be killed at the grocery store by a mad gunman. We can’t hide at home, we can’t imagine danger in every corner, and yet we seem to have regressed to an era in history (like the middle ages) when daily life was dangerous, and the future was never safe or certain, and the weapons of choice now seem to range from homemade bombs to very sophisticated ones and elaborate plots, a handgun or an airplane.

The family of the young co-pilot must be deeply aggrieved too. It is a tragedy for everyone on that plane and everyone they loved and who loved them, and for all of us, to be mourning again people we did not know, and who should not have died on that plane. Laws will be changed as a result, which will prevent exactly that scenario from happening again, but it is somehow a sign of a deep wound somewhere in our civilization that such troubled people have power over us, even when we least suspect it. My deepest sympathy and my prayers go out to all of those affected, and to all of us as well, as we stand by helplessly and mourn innocent people yet again. The tragedies seem to be becoming more shocking and more frequent. May we somehow find a way to heal the wounds in our world, and help each other.

love, Danielle