Archive for the ‘Kids’ Category

6/5/17, Foundation

Posted on June 5, 2017

Hi Everyone,

I hope you had a nice holiday last week, and a good week after that. I got to do something that I do anywhere between two and four times a year, that is always rewarding, touching, and fascinating. When my son Nick died, I wanted to find something meaningful to do in his name. I also wrote a book about him, to honor him, and share my experience with other parents. Nick suffered from Bipolar Disorder, it became evident by the time he was 4 years old, although at the time, they did not diagnose the disease in young people until they were 18 or 20, and medicated and treated them only then. Today, they diagnose children as young as three years old, and begin therapy and treatment then, which is now believed to help the disease become more manageable. The longer it goes untreated, the more it has lasting effects on the brain. And although, there was plain evidence that he was bi-polar, and I was begging for help, he wasn’t diagnosed until he was 16, which was even considered early then. He was started on lithium immediately, and within a month, he said he felt normal for the first time in his life. It was wonderful to watch him thrive and flourish, it had been a hard road for him, and for us until then. Once treated, he had a rewarding career in music, was an avid student, and a charming, funny, bright talented person, who enjoyed many things about his life. Until he had treatment, things were pretty bleak, and we tried everything we could to help him. People who suffer from bi polar have severe ups and downs, deep paralyzing depressions, which alternate with euphoric highs. He tried getting off his medication, because he felt so ‘normal’ on it, and ultimately he attempted suicide four times, succeeded on the fourth try, and died at nineteen. It’s amazing how you can squeeze a whole person, their life history, and the course of an illness into one paragraph!! He was an absolutely remarkable, incredible boy, vastly loved by his family, and we miss him every day. But he also brought us immeasurable joy, he enjoyed big parts of his life, loved his music career, became successful at it—–and after his life, he has helped thousands of people through the foundation we set up in his name, not to provide individual help which we aren’t trained to do—but the Nick Traina Foundation funds organizations providing hands on treatment and therapy to mentally ill people. We also donate to organizations involved with the victims of child abuse, and other organizations engaged in suicide prevention. So many, many people have been helped in Nick’s name.

When I wrote the book about him, to share his life with others in similar situations, to help other parents, and sufferers of the disease—-I didn’t want to profit from the success of the book, so I assigned some of the proceeds to the foundation. The book, “His Bright Light” continues to fund the foundation, along with private donations.

Two to four times a year, the Board of the Foundation meets, and we go over grant requests from organizations in our area, who are working with and helping the mentally ill. We do on site visits to see the organizations in action and better understand what they do, and together the Board considers the requests, and decides who to give the foundation’s money to. It’s hard to believe, but we’ve been doing it for 20 years now—it’s even harder to believe that my son Nick has been gone for that long, but he seems ever present in our lives, with the wonderful memories we have of him, the love we shared, and the work we do in his name.

So we met last week with a stack of grant requests—-we take them very seriously. There are three doctors on our board, two of them psychiatrists, and all of whom knew Nick. We have a lawyer, a finance man, one of my daughters, myself, and the foundation secretary, and we all put a lot of time and thought into who we give the grants to. And we contribute to the San Francisco Conservatory of Music, to assist musicians who need our help, since Nick was a talented singer, lyricist, and musician. It is incredibly touching to read the material sent to us, and to learn more about the organizations we contribute to, all of them set up to assist the mentally ill, and people, often young people, who have suffered as Nick did. I wish we could give to all the organizations that apply, but we can’t, and we give to as many as we can. The Board Meetings are lively, dedicated, and serious, and we try to donate in the best possible ways we can.

So Nick has been responsible for some very good work, even after he left us. There have been free beds in youth shelters and some hospitals, treatment, therapy, hot lines for suicide prevention, emergency mobile units, and assistance to the mentally ill among the homeless, and a scholarship in his name. It always warms my heart to be at the board meetings, and know that Nick is responsible for helping literally thousands of people over the years. It’s a lovely way to honor, remember, and continue to cherish him.

Have a great week ahead!!

much love, Danielle

Filed Under Family, Kids | 6 Comments

5/8/17, Happy Mother’s Day

Posted on May 8, 2017

Hi Everyone,

I hope you’ve had a great week since I last wrote to you!! My favorite holiday is coming up this week, on Sunday, Mother’s Day. I always say I love it, because I get presents and don’t have to get a year older!! Definitely a plus!! And I think I have every Mother’s Day gift my kids ever gave me: I still use a slightly battered Kleenex box my kids decorated for me, all the usual soup can pen and pencil holders. Several decorated jewelry boxes. One of my sons made me a terrific table in woodshop when he was ten or eleven, which I still use in my office, for my computer when I send emails. He made it and painted it himself. I have drawings and paintings they made me, and ceramic hand prints they made in Kindergarten, and some ceramic fruits and vegetables that are so pretty I still have them in our family sitting room, mixed in with some antique Chinese ceramic objects (and they look great together!!). I have lots of needlepoint cushions the girls made for me, and some wonderful more sophisticated gifts they’ve given me as they got older. One of my favorites is an Italian sweater, black with gold and pearl letters on it that says “Mamma”—-I wear it every chance I get when I think I need to be identified as The Mom at a special occasion!!! So I have been utterly spoiled by my kids.

When I was married to their father, and the kids were younger, we made a BIG deal of mother’s day—but they still do, we have brunch together at home, and usually meet up again in the evening and go out to dinner. And I do it in two ‘sessions’ now, in two cities, so I can meet up with as many of them as possible, for those who live far away now. It’s a very, very special day for me.

I realize too that it’s not always an easy day. If your own mother is no longer around, it can be a hard day, or if the relationship with your mother is not an easy one (I’ve had that experience too). There have been some very important ‘adopted mothers’ in my life, growing up and as an adult, women who became extraordinary friends and role models for me, and whom I love and admire still to this day. Even if we don’t have a present mother, or an easy one, other sometimes older women can come into our lives and be an important force in our lives for love and support. And I’m very, very grateful to the women who did that for me and some who still do.

So whether you celebrate with your own mother, or a stand-in mother, or a favorite aunt, whether you are a mother yourself or not, it’s an important day to celebrate some of the relationships we have with other women who are important to us, or to be motherly ourselves for someone who needs us in that role, whether we are related by blood or not.

I hope this Mother’s Day will be wonderful for you, and that the special relationships in your lives that celebrate mothering in some way, will nurture you, or that you will be nurturing someone else.

Have a great day!!! And a wonderful week ahead, much love, Danielle

5/1/17, “Against All Odds”

Posted on May 1, 2017

Hi Everyone,

Today is a special day, for a couple of reasons. I hope you’ve had a good week with lots of good things happening. I always love May Day, it was a wonderful holiday when I was a little girl, and I still love it as an adult. As I’ve mentioned to you before, in France (where May Day is Labor Day), the custom is to give those you care about (friends, family, or loves) a sprig of lily of the valley. It’s my favorite flower and the smell is heavenly!! And in Paris, on every street corner, vendors are selling sprigs of lily of the valley for people to give to friends or loved ones. And when you get a little sprig of lily of the valley from someone, it is supposed to bring you luck!! I always give a dinner party on May 1st, with close friends, and give each of them a little vase of lily of the valley to take home with them.

May 1st is particularly special to me because it’s also my son Nick’s birthday. The day always reminds me of all the wonderful birthday parties we had for him. An almost life size cake, shaped like a whole person, of his favorite singer at the time: Prince. (He was also Prince for Halloween when he was 5 or 6—-he had very advanced taste in music for his age, and later became a musician, singer, and composer. When he dressed up as Prince, he wore a black wig, boots, and wore a lavender and red lame sparkly disco outfit of mine, from my younger days!! One year we had a cake that was a life size cake version of his favorite skateboard. We went all out for birthdays and holidays!! He LOVED his birthdays!! So although it is always bittersweet that he is no longer here, it’s the anniversary of a happy day, and I invite 10 or 12 of my closest friends, and I celebrate him in my heart, and it’s nice being with friends on that night.

Tomorrow is going to be a special day too. My newest Book, “Against All Odds”, is coming out tomorrow. It’s about a widowed woman, single Mom of four adult children in their 20’s and 30’s—-and the disastrous relationships they get into, thinking that they can “beat the odds”. It’s hard or even impossible to beat the odds (someone wins the lottery, but no one I know!!)—-if it looks like it’s going to be a disaster, more than likely it will be. It’s about each of the four children’s relationships, and how challenging it is for parents to watch their kids make dangerous choices—-and there’s nothing you can do about it. The situations they get into are very varied, and how they face their challenges is exciting. I hope you love it, and maybe you can relate to it as a parent. We’ve all been there in one form or another, watching our kids grow up!! Have a GREAT week!!

love, Danielle

Filed Under Family, Kids, Paris, Writing | 4 Comments

4/3/17, April Fool

Posted on April 3, 2017

Hi Everyone,

I hope you’ve had a good week, it’s been crazy busy and a full week. And by the time you read this, I’ll have survived another April Fool’s Day at the mercy of my children. Although usually reasonable and sensible people, they take full advantage of April Fool’s day, and have since they were kids. And they haven’t given it up yet. Since I’m usually running around busy, or deep in a book, I never remember what day it is, until the third call to bail one of my kid’s out of jail. JAIL???!!!!! Or the third call from one of my single daughters telling me that they’re pregnant. They’ve told me some lulus over the years, and I always believe them—until by sheer numbers, I realize what day it is. After all, they can’t ALL be in jail!!! They’ve pretended that they eloped to Las Vegas, or broken up with a girlfriend. Have announced that they got fired, and every time I try to be sympathetic, and then of course realize that I’ve been had. One of my daughters played an April Fool’s joke on her boss and nearly got fired years ago. And they trick each other too, no one is exempt in this group!!! They’ve gotten milder as they grow up, but they still can’t resist the temptation to start my day off with startling news!!! I should do the same to them, but never do.

Other than that, I’m really happy about how well my new book Dangerous Games is doing.  I’m soooo happy people are loving it!! I hope you’ve read it, or will soon!!!

And I’ve had a house guest for 3 days, one of my closest friends, so that has been wonderful!!!

I hope that all is going well for you, and that if you had any bad news, it was all April Fool’s jokes, and nothing more than that!!!! I’ll be travelling again this week…..I am definitely leading a nomadic life!!! Have a great week.

love, Danielle

8/29/16, Sweet Visit

Posted on August 29, 2016

Hi Everyone,

I hope these last days of summer are nice for you, and that you’re still enjoying it.
Summer is definitely over for me, I’m back to work, working hard. I don’t know where the summer went, it went so fast, and now a few days this week and then Labor Day, and then it’s officially over. Boo Hoo!!! Just about everywhere, kids are going back to school this week, so that’s it. We’ll have to wait til next year for hot weather and summer vacations. It seems a long time away.

I had a really sweet week until I went back to work (although that’s sweet too!!). The 12 year old daughter of a very close friend in Paris came to visit me, and it was a real treat. She is the sweetest kid, and it was so much fun. With grown up children I forget just how easy and nice that age can be, everything is straightforward and simple, you know where you stand, communication is easy, in most cases, problems are small. Kids that age are happy to be with you, don’t have conflicting plans, and two hours in a swimming pool is super fun!! They are thrilled with everything at that age. And she is an exceptionally nice, well behaved child. I had a wonderful time with her, a little shopping, 2 movies, some swimming, bowling, buying new books, we visited the sea lions (too smelly), a manicure (bright orange!!) pasta dinners, pizza, we were supposed to go to a museum, but never did. Her big thrill was buying candy. And as I solemnly promised her parents, we did 2 hours of her remaining summer homework every day, and finished it!! And it’s a really brave thing to do, for a kid that age to visit a grown up, she must have been worried that she’d be bored, but it was an adventure for both of us, and a real gift to me!!! On the day she left, we both woke up sad that she was leaving, suddenly the easy fun was over, and it went too quickly. I took her to the plane, and waited until it took off, and before it did, she was sending me frantic text messages about how much she already missed me (I did too), and texts with hearts on them. I was really sad to see her leave (and started a new book that night). It was such a simple pleasure, so innocent and pure, and she’s such a sweet kid, it really was a wonderful visit. She starts school on Friday. It was a perfect end to my summer. (The one funny note was that she bought so much candy, for herself, her brother and sister, that I had to lend her an extra suitcase to take it home.)

And by the way, it was my Chihuahua Minnie’s birthday this week. I hope you remembered!!!

I hope the end of your summer is sweet too!!! Have a great last week of summer!!!

all my love, Danielle

7/25/16, The heart of summer

Posted on July 25, 2016

Hi Everyone,

I hope the summer is rolling out well, and you’re having fun, taking some time off, and enjoying family and friends. Hot weather, good times, maybe some swimming and sunning, fishing, whatever seems like fun to you. I love reading in the summer, when I take time off from writing for a few weeks.

I’ve just had my annual one week vacation with my 5 younger kids (the older 3 are married and have their own plans, the younger 5 are single and still join me for their vacations. And I’m well aware that I’m very lucky that they do, it’s generous of them to give up vacation time to be with me!!), and the time is always infinitely precious to me. For a brief week, I get to wake up every morning and know I will see them, we can have breakfast together, lunch, and dinner, laugh at old stories, share what’s going on, we can slouch around, be lazy, sleep in the sun, share gossip, or hopes and dreams, or admit to disappointments or mistakes, and for that one week, we have the luxury of time, we don’t need to rush or go anywhere, we just hang out. It’s especially precious to me, and reminds me of when they were younger and were at home. Precious days, which fly by too fast. While we’re busy driving car pool, doing school pick ups, and mountains of laundry, getting them to soccer practice, the orthodontist, or ballet class, we don’t realize how fast it will go, and be precious memories one day. I cherish each moment that they’re around. And then suddenly, the week is over and they’re gone, back to their busy lives, and I go back to the typewriter, to fill the silence in the house. I don’t think our kids ever realize how much we miss them when they’re not around. And living in separate cities now, makes the time together that much more meaningful, since we can’t just drop in on each other, or go to the hardware store or a movie together. We plan it months ahead. I’ll get a second round later this summer, and get to spend a long weekend together for my birthday, but the annual summer vacation together is very sweet and a real gift for me.

We spent our week together in France, and there is no denying that it is very tense there now after another recent attack. My kids were even more aware of it than I am, since I live here and am getting used to the changes we live with now. It was sobering to be at the airport, with soldiers every 3 or 4 feet, each one holding a machine gun with their finger on the trigger, ready to shoot into the crowd at the first sign of an attack, their captains watchful, each one holding a pistol, also at the ready. The ease of the most recent attack, with a rented truck used as a weapon to drive into a crowd and ruin more than 300 lives, has made people nervous and wary. We stayed at our hotel, didn’t wander around nearby towns as we always do, and we always go to a nightclub and go dancing once during the trip, and we didn’t this year. It just didn’t seem smart in the circumstances. The country will recover, but for now people are justifiably worried and frightened. For us, and for me, it’s home for part of the year, so it made sense to be here, but I worried about my kids flying in and out, and they were brave to come, and concerned.

But in spite of that, they swam, and we lay in the sun, we ate too much, laughed and kidded each other, played Scrabble and cards, ate dinner late and talked for many hours, and shared news about our lives, and of course I always give unwanted advice, and forget at times that they’re not kids anymore, a failing that most parents are guilty of. We’re a big family so there’s always a lot to talk about.

Now it’s back to work for me, and for them. But even a week together puts new life into all of us, and brings us closer, and reminds us of how much we enjoy each other……the house is much too quiet today……I’d better get back to work and start typing again!!

Take good care, have some fun….we all need it, and you deserve it!!!

much love, Danielle

6/6/16, Spring Cleaning

Posted on June 3, 2016

Hi Everyone,

I hope that all is well with you, and that things are going well. I have had a bussssyyyyyy month, jam packed with projects, things on my ‘to do’ list, and writing. I feel like I haven’t stopped.

As I shared with you recently, I ‘attacked’ a big storage unit we had filled with years of old stuff, right down to my children’s art projects and baby clothes from years ago, one of my daughters saved every homework assignment from first grade through college. I kept all of that. But we also had A LOT of ‘stuff’, furniture of my mother’s that no one wanted, some REALLY ugly chairs of my grandmother’s, and some pretty things too, mostly furniture. For years anytime someone had something they didn’t know what to do with, the battle cry was ‘send it to storage’. They did, and for years I have wanted to weed it down, and get rid of what no one wanted, and never will again. I managed to reduce it to about half, and it was a HUGE job. I felt very virtuous for finally doing it. I set a date, and stuck to it, and did it. And I set a trend for the month: cleaning house and spring cleaning. I’ve been on a roll all month!!

Every year, I help one of my daughters get the family vacation home that they share, ready for summer. I don’t know how, but things just gather all year, and that turns into a huge cleanup project too before every summer, hosing things down, setting out cushions, repainting patio furniture. The place is very old, but has a lot of charm and they love it. They spent their childhood summers there, so they really love it. And having just cleared out a lot of the storage unit, I was much ‘tougher’ this year. If it was broken, we fixed it, if it couldn’t be fixed, we replaced it (at Ikea—–one of my favorite stores at very reasonable prices, and you can find everything for the home!!), if it was ugly, we finally faced that and dumped it, if no one wanted it and it was decent we sold it, and if it was less terrific, we donated it. We cleared the decks, and worked like dogs!!! With great results. They’re starting the summer free of cobwebs, and the junk that collected all year.

They also have a really small house they rent out, and that needed spring cleaning too for a new tenant, and we did the same thing there. I feel like I have spent the month moving furniture, cleaning everything, buying clean potholders, throwing out old ones. I have definitely done my spring cleaning for the year. Let me loose in your house right now, and I can strip it in an hour, dump all that stuff you don’t want, and convince you to go to Ikea to buy something (cheaper) and new!!! I’m a menace right now. After three major cleaning sessions—by the end of it, my battle cry was ‘get rid of it!! And we got some really cute stuff at Ikea, some new plates, pots and pans, some rugs, 2 benches. We had a ball!!! I love shopping there!!

So the illusion that I have a glamourous life is dispelled. I wore combat boots for most of the month, hauling a lot of broken old stuff to the trash. I love projects where you start out with a mess, and can see real results in a short time. It takes a long time to finish a book, and to solve most problems. Spring Cleaning has fast results, and you’re all proud of yourself when it’s done.

And after all that, I got to work on a new book. So it has been a busy month, now we can enjoy the summer—-and spend the rest of the year making a mess again!!! And as summer begins now, I hope you have some wonderful plans, to relax and take some time off (and read of course!!) Have a wonderful week!!

love, Danielle

5/9/16, Not Perfect But Wonderful!

Posted on May 9, 2016

Hi Everyone,

I hope that where appropriate, you had a lovely Mother’s Day. I realize every year, that after Christmas, it’s my favorite holiday!!! I really enjoy it with my kids. I spent it between two cities, and two countries, in my “double life”. For many, many years, with 9 children, I was rooted and planted in one spot, we went away in the summer for vacation, but the rest of the time, I was solidly planted in one place, driving kids to school, ballet classes, baseball, lacrosse and soccer games, organizing birthday parties, sleep overs, play dates, buying school supplies, and dropping off forgotten lunches. My life revolved totally around my kids, their school vacations, school plays, dance recitals, track meets, etc. multiplied by 9. It was a super busy life, beyond busy, I was always running to pick someone up, drop someone off, get their sick dogs to the vet, get baseball uniforms, all the things that fill and rule one’s life when you have kids, and I have a lot of them!!! I hardly traveled at all, never in fact, except in the summer with the kids And then one day the kids grew up, several moved to other cities to pursue their careers (for my 3 in fashion, they had to be in the cities where fashion is made, one went to LA to produce movies,) the chicks flew away, the husband left, and I found myself in an almost empty house, looking into empty bedrooms, and waiting for them to come home for holidays. I still have one child at home, fortunately, but she’s always busy, work, gym, concerts, friends. They all have their own lives now. So I flew away too, and began living in 2 cities, in 2 countries, flying back and forth between the 2, every few weeks, to my two home bases, and to visit my kids along the way in their cities. It has evolved into a nomadic life of constant travel, I see new movies on planes, work in both places, I have a typewriter in both houses, and fly away, land, unpack that night, and start work the next day (sometimes I wake up in the morning, and in the first few minutes, wonder which city I’m in). It’s a very different life than I used to lead when my kids were little, but with grown kids busy with their own lives, and unmarried myself now, it’s a wonderful way to live life, and not feel the absence of my old life quite so much!!! And on special days, like holidays, I realize what a gypsy I’ve become. I’m always packing and unpacking, flying, visiting kids, or working/writing in my 2 cities. It’s a crazy life, but I love it. » read more »

Filed Under Family, Holidays, Kids | 6 Comments

4/11/16, Fun Evening

Posted on April 11, 2016

Hi Everyone,

I hope that all is well with you, and relatively peaceful. We seem to be marching into Spring. I had such a fun evening recently that I had to share it with you!!!

A friend invited me to the Symphony, which was very tempting. I’ve been writing a lot lately, there has been so much unrest around the world, which touched close to home for me. I hesitated before accepting, I had a book to edit, and also because I work so hard, and keep such late hours when I’m writing that if you put me in a dark place, movies, symphony, theater, ballet, I fall asleep in the first five minutes, especially with good music!! I’m usually not a big symphony-goer, and prefer theater and movies, but the invitation was so nice and so unexpected that I decided to go. So I accepted and off I went, and it felt like a real treat to be “out in the world” and not working at night for a change. I was expecting serious classical music, and had a terrific surprise when I got there. The performance that night was a showing of the movie “E.T.”, which I hadn’t seen since it came out, but loved then—-they were showing the movie at the symphony and the whole philharmonic orchestra was going to play the music score. What a fantastic idea, and instead of the serious crowd of classical music lovers, the audience was filled with young people, families and kids—-right up my alley, and it seemed like so much fun!!! Everyone was in a great mood.

I loved the movie…ET, phone home….the whole thing is so sweet, Drew Barrymore was an adorable little girl then, and I totally enjoyed it. The music wasn’t distracting, and it added depth to the movie. And I thought it was brilliant of them to show something that the masses can enjoy, and a less sophisticated audience, and make it appealing to everyone. I didn’t even fall asleep, I loved it so much and had so much fun!! It was a totally unexpected evening and a real treat, and I LOVED the concept of a popular movie with the philharmonic orchestra playing the score in full force. It was fantastic and the most fun I’ve had in a long time. It was a real gift from the friend who took me, and I had a ball!!! If they do something like that again, I will run to be there!! I can think of so many movies where that would be fun, and it introduced a whole new group of people to the symphony who never would have gone otherwise….Pure genius and a really, REALLY fun time!!!Have a great week!

love, Danielle

12/28/15, Goodbye 2015, New Vistas up ahead

Posted on December 28, 2015

Hi Everyone,

I hope your Christmas, or Chanukah, holidays were wonderful. I had a really terrific time with all my kids, and got wonderful gifts I REALLY loved from them. But the best gift of all was being with them, and sharing family time. We were all so grateful to be together. And our holiday time is almost over. They leave tomorrow, and on Tuesday, I’ll be at my desk, back at work, working on books for the months ahead. So my holidays are drawing to a close. Each one of my kids gave me special gifts, but their presence at home was what I cherished most. One of my daughters gave me gorgeous evening shoes, with “I love you, Mommy” written in sequins in French, and a gold bracelet that says I love you, and a bunch of other lovely presents too. Two of my daughters gave me a beautiful little table from the l950’s, by a furniture designer whose work I love, it has an Asian scene on it, and I put it in the living room. Knowing how I love shoes, several of my daughters gave me shoes I’m crazy about. And another of my daughters gave me two great jade bracelets and a necklace. One of my older sons gave me a fantastic giant poster (about 5 feet high and 5 feet wide) with photographs of 9 antique typewriters, and the words “Mom” and “Love” and other words typed out. And my youngest son gave me a little journal I will cherish forever, where he wrote down his favorite memories with me, of things we’ve done together, and a ski trip we took together about 5 years ago, he wrote down all the things he loves about our relationship, what he admires in me, what he feels I’ve taught him, and the advice I’ve shared. it is an incredible gift of love, and said things any mother would give just about anything to hear. They were all incredibly generous and thoughtful, and we shared some wonderful meals and fun times together. We are all sad to see the holidays end as they pack to leave.
» read more »

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