Archive for the ‘Holidays’ Category

5/9/16, Not Perfect But Wonderful!

Posted on May 9, 2016

Hi Everyone,

I hope that where appropriate, you had a lovely Mother’s Day. I realize every year, that after Christmas, it’s my favorite holiday!!! I really enjoy it with my kids. I spent it between two cities, and two countries, in my “double life”. For many, many years, with 9 children, I was rooted and planted in one spot, we went away in the summer for vacation, but the rest of the time, I was solidly planted in one place, driving kids to school, ballet classes, baseball, lacrosse and soccer games, organizing birthday parties, sleep overs, play dates, buying school supplies, and dropping off forgotten lunches. My life revolved totally around my kids, their school vacations, school plays, dance recitals, track meets, etc. multiplied by 9. It was a super busy life, beyond busy, I was always running to pick someone up, drop someone off, get their sick dogs to the vet, get baseball uniforms, all the things that fill and rule one’s life when you have kids, and I have a lot of them!!! I hardly traveled at all, never in fact, except in the summer with the kids And then one day the kids grew up, several moved to other cities to pursue their careers (for my 3 in fashion, they had to be in the cities where fashion is made, one went to LA to produce movies,) the chicks flew away, the husband left, and I found myself in an almost empty house, looking into empty bedrooms, and waiting for them to come home for holidays. I still have one child at home, fortunately, but she’s always busy, work, gym, concerts, friends. They all have their own lives now. So I flew away too, and began living in 2 cities, in 2 countries, flying back and forth between the 2, every few weeks, to my two home bases, and to visit my kids along the way in their cities. It has evolved into a nomadic life of constant travel, I see new movies on planes, work in both places, I have a typewriter in both houses, and fly away, land, unpack that night, and start work the next day (sometimes I wake up in the morning, and in the first few minutes, wonder which city I’m in). It’s a very different life than I used to lead when my kids were little, but with grown kids busy with their own lives, and unmarried myself now, it’s a wonderful way to live life, and not feel the absence of my old life quite so much!!! And on special days, like holidays, I realize what a gypsy I’ve become. I’m always packing and unpacking, flying, visiting kids, or working/writing in my 2 cities. It’s a crazy life, but I love it. » read more »

Filed Under Family, Holidays, Kids | 6 Comments

3/21/16, Resurrected, Refreshed, Reborn

Posted on March 21, 2016

Hi Everyone,

I hope that all is well with you. Unless one has young, school age children, or is religious, I know that the Easter holiday isn’t always a big event in the States. It’s a bigger deal in Europe, in the Catholic countries, where everyone has Good Friday and Good Monday off, so it becomes at least a 4 day weekend. My two youngest children attended a Jesuit university in the US, and even there they didn’t get Good Friday or Monday off, and it was just a normal weekend. And although religion has always been an important part of my life, it’s a very personal choice, and I don’t press it on my readers. For both family and religious reasons, I love everything about Christmas and what it stands for, and getting my family together for Christmas. And although we enjoy Easter too, I think that the symbolism of Easter is an important one, whether one is religious or not. The essence of Easter, and the ‘high point’, the whole point, is ‘resurrection’, the rebirth, the rising from the ashes, from an extremely dark time, into rebirth and renewal. I cherish the reminder every year, and love to share it with you, while I remind myself of what it means. » read more »

12/21/15, Miracles

Posted on December 21, 2015

Hi Everyone,

I hope you’re not totally frazzled, worn out, and unnerved by now, trying to get everything done and wrapped up before Christmas. It can be a frantic time of year, even for the most organized people, a happy time, or a sad one, depending on where we are in our lives at the moment. It will undeniably be a hard time this year for those who have suffered losses of loved ones in some of the violent and tragic events that have caught our attention around the world. For those people, these holidays won’t be easy. My family went through that when we lost my son Nick three months before Christmas several years ago. Christmas was tough, and we struggled to make it the best we could, reaching out to friends, staying close with our family, and trying to make sense of life, and not totally losing our sense of joy at a very hard time for us, despite such a huge loss.

We can’t ignore, and I can’t ignore, the hard public events that have happened in the past year, the unrest all around us, the uncertainties in our future, about safety, disturbing political situations, the economy in almost every country. We don’t live in easy times, and it presents a challenge to each of us, as to how we view it, what we do about it, what we tell our children, how we explain things that even we don’t understand, and that are almost impossible to understand, and in some ways the senseless violence that threatens us all in some form.

What I find is that in many cases, it is driving people back to our basic and original traditions—–rather than disrupting our lives and tearing them apart forever, it is bringing back and strengthening some of the things we hold most dear: love of family, simple values and traditions, the importance of our friends, some of the smallest things and gestures in our lives are suddenly infinitely more dear. In some cases, it is making people kinder and more compassionate, reaching out to others, cherishing their relatives and friends. It makes each moment we spend with our children dearer and more important. The risks in the world today make each day seem like a gift.

Each of us have our traditions surrounding the holidays, Christmas or Chanukah, or customs in other cultures to mark the end of the year, traditions involving gifts or food or friendship or religion, which bring us comfort and give us a solid foundation to stand on. I think that when the world is troubled, the simple basics become more important. Although it’s certainly fun to get a fabulous gift, the kind gesture of a friend, or some small token from someone you don’t know well, a thoughtful reaching out in some way, baking something, giving something meaningful, doing something kind and small, touches the heart deeply.

I read recently “If you want a miracle, be a miracle to someone”, we all have that opportunity every day, to reach out, to be kind, and to pay attention when someone seems in distress or needs a hand. I know myself that whenever I was having a hard time with something in my life, the smallest gesture sometimes even from a stranger, even a smile, becomes meaningful, and can change an entire day.

We don’t have to have lived through tragedy to face challenging times. We all get stressed and pushed, and a day can head in the wrong direction, or we could be coincidentally dealing with major issues in our lives during the holidays. Someone reaching out to you then can change everything, can turn the day around. And at a time when it is easy to feel overwhelmed, like at the holidays, what better time to take a minute to smile, or lend a hand, call someone you know and may not have talked to for a while, or embrace the people you know and are grateful for, to tell our children how much we love them, praise our coworkers or cherish a friend, those are sometimes the most precious gifts to all of us. We may not even realize that someone we know is having a hard time, and your kind gesture may change everything for them.

I love buying gifts for my children and friends, for employees and coworkers and people who have been kind and helpful to me during the year (and my January budget is usually a mess as a result, but it’s worth it), but we forget sometimes what a huge difference a tiny gesture can make. It’s hard to think of it at times, to remember, to take the time and act on it, when we are all busy and stressed, but being a miracle to someone seems like the essence of the holidays to me. Some of the gifts that have meant the most to me are the gestures I least expected, something someone made me, or did for me. I try to remind myself of that when I rush around, trying to get everything done: pick out Christmas trees, decorate them, entertain friends, or do special things with my children that they will enjoy and hopefully remember for years. This year it seems particularly important to embrace our traditions, establish new ones, to reach out with generosity and compassion, rather than turning inward in despair and fear.

It’s up to each of us to set the example, to be a beacon of love and warmth, to shine brightly, to cast light into the world, instead of darkness.

May your holidays shine brightly, may your hearts be warm, and may we each be a miracle to someone in some small way. Our lights combined will light up the world with love and hope. And from the bottom of my heart, I wish each of you a Merry Christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate, I thank you for your kindness to me all year, for reading my books, for your letters and comments, for caring about me and my family. May our love for each other, all of us, light the world, just as you light up my days and warm my heart. May you and those you love be blessed and warm and safe during these holidays and always.

with all my love, Danielle

11/30/15, Shopping & Parenting, a Work in Progress Forever

Posted on November 30, 2015

Hi Everyone,

I’m busy writing. With a 6 book a year publishing schedule, I have LOTS of writing to do!!!

I had an interesting experience recently, when I went through New York to see my daughters there, we went shopping together, which is always fun for me. And also challenging!! With all 3 working in fashion, they have a keen eye for what works and what doesn’t and strong opinions about what I should wear—–and never wear!!! My perception of fashion is a little different than theirs, I’m older and can’t get away with every trend that comes along, but I also like a touch of humor sometimes, and don’t always want to wear serious Mom-clothes. Fashion needs to be fun too. Sometimes I regret those flights of fancy, and sometimes I really enjoy them. And sometimes I make some lulus of mistakes!!! And my daughters keep me in line. They’re a tough fashion committee to get by sometimes!!! As all daughters are, even if they don’t work in fashion. (You’re going out in THAT??? How many times have we all heard that from teen age daughters? And then they steal it from our closet and wear it themselves!!)

And I guess I wasn’t in a very serious mood the day we went shopping. At the first store we went to, I picked a big red and black checked purse that went with a few things I own. As the girls pointed out, I didn’t “need” it, but thought it would be fun. I got a resounding NO!! on that one, by all 3. I tried on a pair of navy blue patent leather lace up boots that I also thought would be fun. No again, and their verdict was that I looked like an 18th century school teacher. So with some regret, I said no to those. At the second store, they picked out a pair of beautiful sparkly black very high heeled evening shoes which they said I’d wear a lot, and I realized they were right, so I bought them and will probably wear them for years. They are very elegant and grown up, and I’ll probably wear them on Christmas Eve when we dress up for dinner. I also picked out a pair of platform flat shoes and got an instant No on those, and….tried on a pair of high heeled boots with flowers painted all over them that I thought were really fun. The committee voted those down too, but I tried them again and loved them, and bought them anyway. They may be right, and I may never wear them, but they looked happy and fun, so I gave myself a treat. And a moment of defiance of their sometimes stern fashion rules!! The boots are probably silly, but why not? » read more »

11/23/15, Thanksgiving

Posted on November 23, 2015

Hi Everyone,

Wow….how did it get to be the holidays so soon? It was January the last time I looked, and as it does every year, it whizzed by. One minute the year is beginning, you’re planning what you’ll do, and suddenly it’s spring and then summer, and then summer ends and it’s fall. A bunch of kids show up on Halloween, and Zap, it’s Thanksgiving. In five minutes it will be Christmas, you put the lights on the tree, admire it for a minute….then someone is singing Auld Lang Syne, and then you start all over again. So here we are, and here comes Thanksgiving.

To me, Thanksgiving is about gratitude and about friends. Although it is theoretically about family, it is a holiday to welcome friends who have nowhere else to go and might be alone, and to be thankful together. I always think about that phrase from the Bible, “God places the solitary in families”. It’s nice to be the place where people come, and to host it, and also nice to go to one’s friends if one is alone. And this is a good time of year for me to practice what I preach, and remember to be grateful for my family, my friends, (you my readers, and the people I work with), and the many blessings I have. I mean it, and it sounds good, but holidays also get hectic, life gets pressured and stressful, real life doesn’t stop on the holidays, and it’s easy to get worn out, stressed out, and sometimes even upset, and forget to be grateful. Sometimes the problems seem bigger than the blessings.

People in families worry about family battles and family members they don’t get along with. People without families are sad because they’re alone. People who are cooking the turkey and feel like they’re cooking for an army feel put upon (“Why do I always have to do it?”), People who have no turkey, no family, few friends and maybe nowhere to go feel deprived. It’s easy to focus on what’s wrong instead of what’s right. Very few people have a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving, where the turkey is golden, the kids all behave, and the relatives are well behaved and adorable. People are stressed and short tempered over the holidays. There’s a lot to do and take care of.

No one’s holidays are perfect or very few. Sometimes big things are wrong, or only small ones. We remember those who are no longer with us and miss them more acutely.

My older children who are married usually go to their in laws, although one of my older married children will be with us this year, which is rare. My five younger children are coming home, but they have busy lives and stressful jobs, it’s a hassle to come home from far away, their lives aren’t perfect either, but we will be grateful to be together. Gratitude will be very important for all of us, to remember that we are lucky to have each other, no matter what our situations are at the moment. I’m very grateful that my kids are coming home for the holiday. And I know it will be busy and crazy, we will miss my son Nick who is no longer with us, and I’ll just be happy to have my kids home.

And if it gets crazy or too hectic, or things don’t work out perfectly, or if there are hassles at the last minute, I’m going to take a deep breath, and remind myself of how blessed I am, how thankful I am, and how very, very many blessings I have in my life, starting with my kids. I hope your Thanksgiving is blessed and wonderful, your relatives well behaved, your friends kind. And if it starts to get crazy, try to be grateful, even for a minute…..we all have something to be grateful for wherever we are, whatever we’re doing, and whatever our circumstances. I send you all my love, and Happy Thanksgiving!!!

love, Danielle

11/9/15, Facebook Chat coming up Wednesday!!!

Posted on November 9, 2015

Hi Everyone,

busy week last week for me, and a VERY exciting announcement today by my publisher: Starting next month, they are going to publish 6 of my books in hardcover every year, and 6 books in paperback (of books that were previously in hardcover). This is in response to readers asking for More, More, MORE!!! It’s a fantastic challenge to meet and so exciting for me. Since I work on several books a month, I can give you six new books a year!!! I hope you love them!! I will be working hard for you, and can’t wait!!!

How are you?? Doing well, I hope. And doing some things you enjoy. I have a sign in my office that says “Do more of what YOU want to do.” It’s a good reminder. I’m a ‘dutiful’ person and do a lot of the things I think I should do—-and not always the fun things I’d enjoy doing. We have to remember to put fun in our lives too.

This past week has been a busy one, LOTS of writing (in outline, first draft and editing form), seeing some friends, planning for the holidays, some Christmas shopping (Now that IS fun!!! I love shopping for myself and others—-I can have a good time anywhere, even in a hardware store!!)

It was one of my 2 country/3 city weeks, visiting my children, traveling 6,000 miles to do it. That’s a lot of airplanes, I use the time to watch movies, sleep, and catch up on reading!!!

I had a request recently to contribute to a psychiatric book about bi polar illness. My son Nick suffered from it, so I was pleased to add what I had to say on the subject, from a parent’s point of view. Hopefully it will help some parents, trying to support their child meet their challenges.

AND I am REALLY looking forward to our Facebook Chat this week on Wednesday November 11, at 2pm Eastern time. It’s a fantastic opportunity for me to answer you directly. Unfortunately, I can’t answer all the posts, but I type as fast as I can, so I answer as many as possible. It’s VERY exciting for me to be in direct contact with you. Forgive me if I don’t get to yours—–I really do my best to answer you. We receive about 2,000 posts in the time allotted, and typing really fast, I answer about 200. I am so grateful to you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts with me.

Holiday plans are shaping up. I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving and what I am ALWAYS grateful for is your loyalty to me and your kindness.

Have a great week, lots of love, Danielle

2/9/15, Happy Hearts!!!

Posted on February 9, 2015

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been whipping through various cities, all of them freezing cold, and some of them buried in snow. I love snow until it gets messy, and this is the time of year when we’re all a little tired of winter and gray weather, but spring still seems like it’s a long way off in most places. And this time of year is always a good time for me to work. And I’ve been busy at my desk, writing and editing.

I suddenly realized that Valentine’s Day is only days away, which I always face with a little trepidation, sweet memories, and a bit of hope. I have a sweet piece I wrote in the February issue of Harper’s Bazaar this month, about when my husband John, (father of eight of my nine children, whom I was married to for 17 years) proposed to me on Valentine’s Day. I’d have to say that that was my best Valentine’s Day, with the most successful results (despite the divorce 17 years later, we stayed very close in spite of it). And we shared some great Valentine’s Days in between. And my husband after that filled a hotel room with roses and rose petals on Valentine’s Day, and we were married 6 weeks later, and we remain very close and good friends too. So I really can’t complain. Two great Valentine’s Days in one lifetime is a pretty good score, even if the other Valentine’s Days were not quite as romantic or exciting, and sometimes downright dull. One of my daughters, who is currently not involved with anyone, said the other day with a look of disgust, “It’s a stupid day, designed to make us feel awful and like losers if we don’t have a boyfriend”. She has a point there too. It’s a day when those of us who are not in relationships stick out like rocks in a stream, as the waters flow around us. I told you several years ago in a blog about the year Valentine’s Day fell on a Sunday and I went to church, where the priest asked everyone in couples to stand up so the rest of us could applaud them, and they handed each couple two roses, while the rest of us slunk out of church alone and empty handed, even more depressed than when we came in. No roses for the ‘losers’!!! I complained to the priest afterwards and said that we should have gotten the roses to make us feel better, the couples had each other. But on Valentine’s Day, the world celebrates lovers, and the rest of us eat chocolates we buy ourselves as consolation. It’s an easy day to feel sorry for ourselves if our love life isn’t as we wish it would be. And let’s face it, EVERY year can’t be romantic, and a lot of men think Valentine’s Day is silly, and don’t always pay adequate homage to it, in their wives’ and girlfriends’ opinions. So don’t feel totally alone if your man/or woman doesn’t make a big deal of it. Personally, I love Valentine’s Day, with the right person, in the right circumstances. If not, well, that’s how it is, this year, but not necessarily forever. There’s always next year, which may be a whole lot better, and just as you wish!!! Dreams DO come true!!

I hope your Valentine’s Day is lining up as a real winner, with wonderful surprises in store, maybe even a proposal, or at least a romantic evening!!! I am buried in work at the moment, so I have a feeling that mine will involve me and a box of chocolates at my desk, but you never know. Prince Charming may be lurking out there somewhere, if he isn’t at home watching sports on TV. I have a busy week ahead before that, with a business trip to visit some of the big distributors of my books. It’s something I’ve never done before, but a good thing to do, to meet the people who make a big difference in my work life, and work hard for me, even though we never see each other. So I thought it was a good time to get out there, meet them, and say thank you. So many people are part of the process before my books actually reach you. Editors, publishers, wholesalers, distributors, bookstore owners, supermarket chains, shippers, truckers, printers, book binders, the art departments who come up with the covers, PR people. The list of those involved is dizzying, and I rarely have an opportunity to meet any of them, or thank them. So I’m taking a couple of days to do it. It’s new for me, exciting, and a little scary to get out in the big world, and meet new people as part of the business process. It’s a lot easier staying cozily at home, in a couple of warm ratty old sweaters or my nightgown, at my desk, writing the books for you. That’s the fun part for me. But it seems appropriate to thank some of the people involved, that neither you nor I ever see, but are an important part of the process too.

I was reading some of your responses to my blogs the other day, and some of what you wrote moved me to tears. It means so much to me to know that the books are meaningful to you, that they helped you in some way, and resonated, or that you just had fun with them and enjoyed them. And although I can’t answer all the comments, please please know how much they mean to me and touch me. I am sooooooo very grateful for your support, your kindness, your loyalty, and your very generous words. Writing a book is a very solitary process, you pull the story out of your head, and the feelings out of your gut and heart, weave it all together, and spend a long time writing, re-writing and polishing it, and send it out in the atmosphere like a balloon floating through the skies, and hope that it lands in the right hands, of someone who will care about it, and love it, and that it will have meaning to. It touches me deeply and means the world to me to know that the books mean a lot to you too.

There are a lot of other options to reading books these days, far more than there used to be, most of them on the Internet. You can watch movies at home, send photos on Instagram, tweet, watch funny videos, play video games, or look for the love of your life on Internet dating. Or just hang out at home, watch TV, or play with your dog. People don’t read as much as they used to, so your reading the books is very important to me, given all the other distractions we all have. And the world is serious business these days, with drama happening every time we turn on the news. I still love relaxing, and even escaping, with a good book, and I’m glad and grateful that you do too!!! And I’m very, very grateful that you read mine.

So I hope that this Valentine’s Day will be the best one ever for you—–full of romance and roses and chocolates, and hopefully dinner with someone you’re crazy about. And if not, there is always next year!!! Life is so full of wonderful surprises, that’s the best part of it, you never know what’s going to happen, and even if you’re watching TV alone at home this year, you may be madly in love with someone fantastic next year. You really never know what life has in store, at any age or stage of life, and something wonderful may be just around the corner. And please know that whatever happens, wherever you are, year after year, you are my Best Valentine every year!!!!

with all my love, Danielle

1/5/15, A Fresh Start…The Best is Yet to Come

Posted on January 5, 2015

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!!!!

I hope the new year is off to a great start and will only get better and better.

As I’ve mentioned to you before, I love quotations that I find here and there, and I frame many of them and put them on my office walls to inspire me. Sometimes just a few wise words at the right time can make a difference. So I thought I’d share some with you here, to inspire you too, and get the new year off to a happy start. I hope you like these too:

– Miracles DO happen!! (I have that one hanging right above my computer, where I see it whenever I send or read an email).

– “Life is a series of thousands of tiny miracles” Mike Greenberg.

– No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted.

– “There are three things in life that are important.
The first is kindness. The second is kindness. The third is kindness.” William James

– There is No Set path, just follow your heart.

– Believe in the power of believing in yourself.

– Do what you can’t do later.

– Live the present, dream for the future, learn from the past.

– “Do what you can, where you are, with what you have.” Teddy Roosevelt.

– It is never too late to start your life over.

– I have the power to transform my life.

– If you can dream it, you can do it.

– Let your light shine!

– “When you go through a disappointment, don’t stop on that page!” Rev. Joel Osteen

– Bounce Back

– The night is darkest before the dawn

– “Never, Never, never, never Give Up.” Winston Churchill

– “One cannot do big things, only small ones, with an immense amount of love.” Mother Teresa

– Nothing is impossible.

– he best is yet to come.

Happy New Year to you, all my love, Danielle

Filed Under Holidays | 10 Comments

12/29/14, Whew, We Made It!

Posted on December 29, 2014

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been thinking about you over the holidays, hoping that all was going well for you, and that your holidays went smoothly, and weren’t difficult, too challenging, or disappointing. I hope they were fun, even better than you hoped. And I hope that Santa was good to you!!

I had a lovely Christmas with my kids, short but very sweet. We came from as far away as 6,000 miles (me, from Paris), to be together. Three of my younger kids flew out from New York, one from Chicago, one from LA, others were already in California. With a family this size, it’s a major feat to get everyone together. And everything went according to plan. I am always particularly grateful when none of us get snowed in somewhere. Two years ago, my plane was the last flight out of Paris in a snow storm, and 2 days later, mine was the last flight out of New York in another snowstorm, before they closed the airport. But I made it home that year too. This time of year, the weather can be dicey, and with 4 of them flying in from the East Coast, I was relieved once everyone got home. And I always cut it very close, as I am with one daughter in New York every year on her birthday on December 18th, and the next day, I fly back to California for a holiday party I give. I haven’t missed it yet, but it could happen. Anyway, I made it home on time this year.

The time we actually spend ALL together has gotten very short: we were only all here for 3 days together this year, which doesn’t leave much margin for error. It doesn’t leave time to catch up if you have a bad day, miss a flight, or have a headache. But I am enormously grateful that they still all come home despite busy lives, demanding jobs, living in other cities, and significant others who are welcome to spend the holidays with us, but often need or want to be somewhere else. So I’m sure that my kids feel pulled, wanting to be home with me and their brothers and sisters, and wanting to be with their partners too. We had a lunch for Santa and little children. Another lunch for the people who work for me, which was a lot of fun. And we always have a family dinner on Christmas Eve, which is the high point of our Christmas together. We go to the same children’s mass first, in the same church where we have gone since they were born. There are lots of little children, and everyone sings Christmas carols, and then we come home for dinner. Our table used to be full with all nine kids, and my children’s father always joined us, even once we were no longer married. He was an important part of our Christmas celebrations. My three oldest married children no longer join us on Christmas Eve, and have dinner at their own homes that night, or with their in laws, so our ranks have been thinned out. Their father, and my late son Nick are no longer with us, and we feel their absence sharply that night. So that night, I have dinner with the 5 younger of my children, and their significant others when they’re around, if they have any. Santa still drops in for a visit, and everyone tells him what they want for Christmas. And at the end of dinner we play The White Elephant game (we play it at my staff Christmas luncheon too. I got a first aid kit this year and love it). It’s a funny game, everyone brings a gift, and we put them in a pile. Each person selects a gift, and you’re allowed to ‘steal’ it twice from someone else if you like it. And the gifts can get pretty outrageous. My youngest son flatly refused to give up his Chewbacca back pack last year (he swore he was going to wear it to work!!). I got a somewhat naughty Santa sweater this year at our family dinner, and managed to hang onto it, and I wore it on Christmas Day!! We had fun playing the game, played Christmas music, and enjoyed being together. And the challenge for me that night is remembering how grateful I am for my children around the table, and not thinking back to those who are no longer with us, and when our Christmas table was loud and boisterous, with many more people around it, John, Nick, and my older children. I have to force my mind to the present, and focus on now, and not remember the happy times when they were all little kids. These holidays together are precious too, and happy, even if everyone is grown up now.

On Christmas morning, we open presents and hang around together in pajamas, we have lunch around the kitchen table, eating left overs from the night before. And at 6pm, EVERYONE comes home for a Christmas night dinner, my older married kids, the younger children, and even some of their in laws, and little children. It’s a busy, loud, boisterous dinner that night, more like the old days. And I totally envied one of my daughters in law, who arrived for dinner beautifully dressed, but her feet hurt so much after countless holiday parties, so she wore her bedroom slippers: the cozy fleece lined kind—-I wanted to rip them right off her feet and put them on. She was the only woman in the room whose feet didn’t hurt, tottering in high heels, after days of celebrations!!! It was a really nice dinner, and everyone had a good time.

Christmas ended quickly this year, with all of them having pulls in their own life now. My youngest married daughter wanted to be at home with us, but her husband didn’t come, so she left at 5am on Christmas morning, to fly back to New York, and have Christmas dinner with him. She managed to keep everyone happy, him, and the family, and sacrificed herself getting up at 4am on Christmas Day and spending the day on the plane. Another daughter left at 6am the day after Christmas, to join her boyfriend and his family on a trip. So it was a beautiful holiday, but the time together was short. They used to spend a week or two at home over Christmas, and we had the luxury of time together. Now, it was all over in three days. But they were three wonderful days. I can’t complain when they make such a huge effort to get home at all, and it was wonderful to be together. As one of my friends reminds me regularly when I think or talk about the past. “That was then, this is now”. And she’s right. And now was wonderful this year, even if the time we spend together is short. They make a huge effort to be here at all.

I got lovely presents from all of them, and tried hard to find things they like. The girls love to get clothes, and with three of them working in fashion, it is REALLY hard to find things that the designers they work for didn’t design, they didn’t design themselves, or haven’t seen for 6 to 9 months before they appeared in the stores. But I think everyone was happy with what they got. I always love the sentimental stuff, a pillow with “Momma” embroidered on it, and a little gold bracelet with “Momma” on it, a wonderful carved book from one son, (a box made of typewriter keys!!), a beautiful bracelet from two daughters who teamed up, and a delicate ring that spells out the word “Mom”, and shoes are always a winner with me, and I got some great ones!! (pink suede flats, red high heels, black flats with sparkles on them, sandals with wooden soles for the summer, ‘camouflage’ flats—-I love shoes and they all know it!!!). And I got a beautiful little portrait of my little blue gray Chihuahua, “Blue”, who is Minnie’s baby sister. (I already have a lovely portrait of Minnie!!)

So we made it through, it was a lovely, warm, loving holiday. We will always remember those who are no longer here, and feel their absence. But the good times buoy our spirits and outweigh the losses…..and as my friend says, That was Then, this is Now. And it was a lovely Christmas this year, they were home for a few days, and I cherish my time with them. I hope your holidays were good too….and they are behind us now. We can look ahead to the New Year. And for the first time ever, I’ve decided not to do anything on New Year’s Eve. I don’t like going out that night, my children are all busy or away. None of the invitations I got felt right, many of my close friends are away. So I’m going spend it at my typewriter, and work right through. It feels like the perfect way to spend New Year’s Eve this year…..writing!!! Have a wonderful New Year’s Eve, and be careful if you’re driving or on the road. And I wish you a fantastic new year, of health, peace, prosperity and happiness. May all your wishes and dreams come true in the new year!! (and mine too!!)

I send you all my love, Danielle

12/22/14, Grateful

Posted on December 22, 2014

Hi Everyone,

I was packing up my briefcase today before I travel, and remembered a little book I used to carry in my briefcase, and put away a few years ago. It was about Gratitude, and I loved the stories in it, it was by Melody Beatie, I think. I don’t mean to sound like Goody Two Shoes with my messages to you, but I figure that we’re all in this together, and not every day is easy, in fact some days are damn hard, for any of us. And if I can encourage or inspire you to see things differently sometimes, I figure it’s a fair trade, because when I read your messages to me, you so often warm my heart and encourage and inspire me. I love the messages you write me. Thank you!!

There were several stories in the book, but there was one that particularly resonated for me, which is why I dragged it around with me until the book became dog eared, and then put it in my bookcase so it didn’t fall apart. The story I loved was about a house she had bought years before, possibly her first house, and it was the only one she could afford. It was in a bad neighborhood, the house was in bad shape, a major fixer-upper, and as she put it, it was just plain ugly and even once she bought it, she found she hated the house. She tried to do a few things to doll it up, and finally gave up on any kind of improvements, and decided that making the house beautiful was hopeless. So instead of working on it, she just sat there and cried every night, hating the house more and more. And she couldn’t afford to buy a better one, or move, or spend much money to improve it. She said she cried for months, and was totally miserable there. I don’t know what turned things around, but sometimes after you’re miserable enough, something changes or clicks in, and you decide to try and accomplish the impossible anyway. Crying every night is wearing. So she tried to do one thing to improve it. The result wasn’t fabulous, but she said it looked a little better. It was some very small improvement, like pretty clean shelf paper in the kitchen. So encouraged by that, she did one more small thing. And then another, and then she bought some paint and painted something ugly into a better color. And inspired by the minor changes, she did more, and more. She made a lot of small changes, and she didn’t turn the place into a palace, or even a gorgeous house, but she said that as she worked on these small projects every night, instead of crying, she started to love the place, even as ugly as it was. And after months of small changes, she actually loved the house. And the overall look of the place had improved—-the house hadn’t moved to a better neighbourhood, it wasn’t gorgeous, but it suddenly felt like a home, her home, and she really began to love it. And once she loved it, and had tried to make it better, something happened in her life, a series of fortuitous circumstances, and she was able to move to a better house, and she was actually sad to leave the house she had come to love. And the new house was a huge improvement in her life.

I liked the story because it reminded me that sometimes you have to embrace a circumstance you really don’t like, or even hate. The more you complain or try to run away from it, the worse it seems to get. And only when you’re willing to embrace a situation, in all its misery and ugliness does something actually change. How many times have we had jobs we really hate, with a nasty boss or co-workers, or an apartment in a building, or a home with neighbours who make your life miserable? Or a family situation you think you just can’t change. And believe me, I can complain with the best of them when I’m not happy about something. And I’m not always a good sport about it!!! But only when I stop bitching about it, and wailing, accept my fate as it is at that moment, and really accept it and try to improve it right where I am….only then does the situation actually improve, and someone mean gets nicer, or an opportunity comes along that allows me to make a change. Her point with the story was that only when she got truly grateful for the ugly house, and love it, and work on it, did a better house come along. It was a good reminder to me that sometimes we have to embrace situations we don’t like, and do our best to change them right where we are, before things actually change. And then suddenly the blessings are abundant, and things turn out much better than we hope.

The story applies to a lot of things, where we live, where we work, who we hang out with, family battles, or even the holiday plans we’re faced with that are not the ones we want. So I’m sharing the story with you, because I really like the story of the ugly house she came to love….and then she got a better one.

It’s a good reminder to me to embrace the situations I don’t like, and be grateful for what I do have. I have a feeling that she’s right, and things don’t change until we learn to love what we’ve got, and the situation we’re in. It’s something to think about.

And as we head into these last few days before the holidays, my wish and prayer for you is that these days are gentle and easy, as much as merry and bright!!! May all your Christmas wishes come true, and may you be surrounded by those you love, and I hope they are kind to you. And I hope you bring the light and warmth of the holidays to someone else’s heart as well.

A thousand good wishes to you, and all my love, Danielle

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