I hope you survived the holidays, that they were better than expected, and if not, that you’re happy they’re behind you, and we can move ahead into a new year.

I’ve been busy. My children were home for ten days, which was absolutely wonderful; we had a good time together. And although we all dreaded this Christmas, as the first one without their father, we got through it, and it turned out to be much sweeter than expected, with a few tears and many bittersweet memories, and some real fun too. (We played games at the dinner table on Christmas Eve this year, with some fairly rude prizes, and laughed a lot. Irreverence and laughter was the perfect antidote to sadness, and carried the day.) And being together as a family was a real blessing.

Since then, I have been working very hard on a new book, and doing a huge amount of writing, which I usually do at this time of year.

I don’t have any important news to share with you, and am deep in my work, as I always am at this time of year. And I don’t know why, but I remembered a Christmas story tonight from a few years ago, and thought I’d share it with you. It made me laugh out loud, remembering the moment.

Shopping always relaxes me (even at a hardware store or a drug store, and I’m in heaven at a shoe store, even if I only buy a pair of sneakers. Shoes always cheer me up. And no, the story on the internet about my having 6,000 pairs of shoes is not true—-although I wish I did. But yes, I do like shoes.), in any case, I like to shop and there is a lovely store in New York where I buy really nice sheets every few years, and tablecloths. It’s an Italian store, and they have really pretty things. And usually, on Christmas, they send me a small gift, a little baby pillow for my head, with a pretty pillow case, something like that. And I always like what they send me.  And because I like to shop, sometimes stores send me a little gift for the holidays. And I am always very well behaved and save all the gifts I get until Christmas Eve, and open them then. So even if I get a gift from a store, I don’t open it until Christmas, and I save my little stack of gifts until it’s okay to open them. I don’t cheat and open them early.

A few years ago, however, I was feeling sorry for myself a week or ten days before Christmas, and my little stack of gifts from friends, people I do business with, and a few stores, was sitting in my bedroom, and I noticed a package in the distinctive wrapping of the Italian linen store in New York that sends me a pretty gift every year. And I lay there in bed, thinking, oh what the hell, who will know…..and I confess: I cheated and decided to open their gift early. It was quite a big box, which was unusual, but I thought maybe they’d been even more generous than usual. And feeling like a sneaky kid, I hopped out of bed and opened their gift about 10 days early. And WOW!!! What a gift!!! It wasn’t a pillow case; it was an absolutely fabulous cashmere (!!!!!) bed cover, in a soft oatmeal beige. I am always frozen at night, so it was really the perfect gift. I was stunned that they had sent me such a beautiful gift. There was no card, just the wrapping from the store, but I hadn’t ordered anything from them, so it was obviously my annual Christmas gift. And it happened to be a freezing cold night, and I put it on my bed and snuggled under it with delight, really pleased at the fabulous gift. Further confessions: When I was married, I was very circumspect in my bedroom, I didn’t smoke in the bedroom, didn’t sleep with my dogs (or no more than one of them, I had two then), didn’t eat in bed, so as not to offend my husband. But living alone, I have developed some really bad habits I enjoy: I smoke in my bedroom, as long as I’m wide awake, read until all hours; if I get hungry, I eat cookies in bed, or whatever else I decide to eat, and often all four of my dogs sleep on my bed, or at least one or two. If I ever live with a man again, I’ll behave, but for now I don’t have to and can do whatever I want. So as soon as I put the gorgeous cashmere cover on my bed, my dogs hopped onto it with delight, and I cuddled up under it, smoking, and even had a cup of soup, and spilled a little on the cover. I made myself right at home with my new bedspread!!!

I thoroughly enjoyed my new bedspread for the next 10 days, til Christmas, the dogs slept on it, I slept under it, I dropped a few ashes here and there, some cookie crumbs, a drop or two of soup. I made myself totally comfortable, and couldn’t imagine how I had lived without a cashmere bedspread until then. It was my largest and certainly most luxurious gift!!!  And after I’d been happily living with it for about 10 days, my oldest daughter called me, quite annoyed, and said that she had ordered a cashmere bedspread from that same store, months before, and it had never come. Had it shown up at my house instead?  Uh…ummm……bedspread??? CASHMERE bedspread?…..hmmmm….uh oh. I suddenly realized that my fabulous new gift was not a gift at all, but I’d been happily living on her new bedspread, and there had been nothing on the package to indicate that it was her order, and not a gift for me. Oh…..shit. We were of course talking about the bedspread I had been living with, smoking over, eating on, and that my dogs had come to love too. I was in deep trouble there. My oldest daughter is rabid about smoking, and won’t even be in the same building with it, does not approve of four dogs in bed, and I’m certain that she has never eaten Oreo cookies in bed (she has a husband. Everything is a trade off in life; you either get a husband in your bed, or get to eat Oreo cookies at midnight.).   I confessed immediately, told her I had thought it was a gift from the store, and that I had been living with her new bedspread for the past 10 days, and offered to have it cleaned immediately. She was horrified and not happy with me. She assured me that no amount of cleaning would exorcise the smoke, dogs, and cookies, not to mention the soup I had spilled on it (just a little) the first night. And she had waited months for it to come.  If she could have seen me happily living on her bedspread, she would have had a stroke. As it was, she wasn’t too happy. The end of the story was that she ordered another one, and I wound up buying the one I had adopted illegally. And to tell you the truth, I love it, and am still living with it, and probably will for years. But if you could have seen me living it up on her bedspread, and my face when she asked if I had seen it…..bedspread??? What bedspread??? Oh THAT bedspread…..you would have laughed too. I still laugh when I think about it. It was expensive when I had to buy it, but well worth it…..and I still chuckle when I see it, and drop a few more Oreo crumbs on it, as my dogs lie happily across the bed, and I smoke while reading a book…..to each his own, and there are more ways than one to get a new bedspread….I would never have bought such an elegant one for myself, but I’m glad I did. Now I’m more careful when I open Christmas gifts, and make sure that they are in fact for me.  I hope you liked your gifts this year too!!!

Much love, Danielle

And then there’s New Year’s Eve, which is another one of those loaded days. You’re supposed to look fabulous, spend it with someone you love, and wind up kissing them at midnight, with a glass of champagne in your hand, while someone plays “Old Lang Syne”. Reality? All the years I was married, I spent it in a flannel nightie with warm socks, didn’t care what we did, and we were sound asleep long before midnight, and I was perfectly happy and with the person I wanted to be with. I didn’t need parties, a kiss at midnight (I could have kisses anytime), or a band. Although I think most people think they are supposed to be having FUN that night, no matter what. And single, it’s a whole other story. You HAVE to be out dancing and kissing at midnight and drinking champagne. Hmmmm……for some, that may not be quite as easy as it sounds. And just like Christmas and Valentine’s Day, I have had a wide variety of experiences on that one: since being single, some very elegant New Year’s Eve dinners in black tie, dancing with good friends. The year my caterer didn’t show up for that event at the last minute, and we went to fast food restaurants to get dinner, and my friends were all dressed up in evening gowns, eating a Big Mac, pizza, and KFC and curly fries. We decided we liked it so much, we did that for several years. And it was fun. Then, I got tired of having a New Year’s Eve date I didn’t care about, or none, and decided to play poker on New Year’s Eve instead (which I love), still in black tie. But no matter what you do, and how you slice it, that midnight hour happens, people start counting….ten…nine…eight….two….and the next thing you know everyone is kissing, and you’re staring at your feet, feeling like a loser and wishing they’d get on with it. Erghk, I hate New Year’s Eve. (And last year I lost $20.00 at poker too, adding insult to injury. AND got a stomach ache from the fast food). I don’t know what the answer is. In recent years I’ve never had the guts to just say to hell with it, and go to bed, and not do anything at all. I was afraid that would be too depressing.  But New Year’s Eve rarely lives up to anyone’s expectations, unless you drink yourself blind or are enjoying a brand new romance. So I’ll be playing poker this year, WITH fast food, NOT in black tie this time, and let’s just hope I win $20.00 this year to make it a success. One fan wrote in and said that the answer is to spend it with good friends, and I think that’s true, but it’s not an easy evening to pull off, particularly if you’re not part of a couple, and all you’re going to get at midnight is a refill from the waiter, another Big Mac, and hopefully a decent poker hand. I just don’t like New Year’s Eve, and every year I promise myself that I’ll do something different next year—I thought of going to Paris this year, or even Vegas with a friend—-or maybe I’ll just go to bed and not try at all. I think making New Year’s Eve fun is challenging for a lot of people. It is not my best night of the year, and too easy to get mournful, thinking it should be different than it is. Maybe we just need to have a sense of humor about it, and not take it so seriously. (And most of those people kissing at midnight probably won’t be speaking to each other by next year. Ha!!! It’s not even a holiday about chocolate, so what good is that?). I don’t think it’s an age thing either, since even young people I know complain that it’s often a disappointing night. Maybe we just need to lower our expectations, and enjoy whatever happens, and do something we enjoy, like poker in my case, and be with friends we like. (I haven’t had the guts to spend it totally alone, although some years I wished I had; I had such a lousy time). I think the answer is to keep it light, and not put so many expectations on it for that one night.

As for New Year’s resolutions, I never make them. I hate breaking promises, and disappointing myself or anyone else. So I don’t promise to give up smoking, gain or lose ten pounds, start a new exercise program, or swear I’ll walk the dog a mile 3 times a day, or stop all of my annoying habits (surely too many to give up!!)—or learn to use the computer properly. Whatever I do all year, I do. Whatever I decide to give up, I will (or won’t). But I refuse to make New Year’s resolutions that I will probably break in 3 weeks, or less.

So have a very happy New Year’s Eve, whatever you decide to do——and just like Christmas, remember that it’s only one night and you can get through it whatever you do, whether you spend it with good friends, or cozily in bed watching TV on your own. Happy New Year, and I hope that the coming year will be the best year ever for you, with lots of good times, good friends, and good health!!!

Love, Danielle

I’ve had all kinds of Christmases, both good and bad, starting with lavish ones as a child, in the German traditions of my father (he loved Christmas!!!), but I had no mother to share them with, since my mother left when I was 6, which was a gaping hole in my life then, as a young child. I had happy Christmases at the beginning of my marriage, and sad ones at the end. And a few completely alone when, divorced, I had a young daughter who went to visit her father in France every other year, and I just sat home and cried, alone. I have had fairy tale Christmases, surrounded by my many children when they were young, when everything went the way it was supposed to and most people dream of….and then the shattering Christmas, 3 months after I lost my son, when we all sat paralyzed with grief. To try and lighten the mood, I decided to give an ice skating party for my friends and their kids. It didn’t fill the void, but reminded my family that life goes on, and there is still laughter and love and fun in our lives, surrounding ourselves with good friends. I’ve had romantic Christmases and some really depressing ones, since I’ve been single….the man I loved passionately (and later married) who decided that being in Antarctica was more fun than being with me, so he spent the holiday with penguins, and I wound up alone that year, an all-time low. Even in a good, happy, wholesome life with family and a solid marriage, Christmas isn’t perfect every year, and I’ve spent enough hard ones to be sensitive to the fact that the holidays are really tough for some people, particularly if they’ve encountered disappointment or loss, or are alone. There are a lot of lonely people in the world, and contrary to common belief, having a family isn’t always a guarantee that the holiday will be great. Some of us go home to parents we never got along with in the first place, and all the same problems surface again, or siblings we have nothing in common with, or we have to send children to a divorced spouse, and sometimes we are just so stressed out that we wind up fighting with people we love, in spite of good intentions. Truly, despite my many children, I know how hard holidays can be, and they underline the fact that we’re alone, or what’s not going right in our lives.

There are several ways to view how to handle difficult holidays. Forget them: not always so easy to do, with Jingle Bells playing in every elevator and supermarket, and a Santa with his beard askew on every corner. (And shouting obscenities at street corner Santas, and taking our frustrations out on him is not considered ‘cool’).  You can spend the holidays with good friends and people you really like to be with, which is a warm way to spend it. Or remember that it is one day, and not a year long. You can get through one tough day, you’ve done it before. And gratitude for what you do have: even if it’s not perfect, there must be ONE thing you can be grateful for. One particularly awful year many years ago, the only thing I could think of to be grateful for was a new pair of shoes I had bought myself and loved (that was a particularly low year). And also, giving up your time to people less fortunate and in great need. I’ve spent many nights in my years of street outreach, with the homeless, and let me tell you, seeing the misery they’re in will wake you up to just how lucky you are to even come home to a warm bed. I don’t think fabulous holidays just happen in many lives, I think sometimes we have to work at keeping our spirits up, and making the holiday good for others. Usually, when I stop worrying about how happy I’ll be, and just concentrate on making others happy, I wind up happier myself. (Some of my Christmas dreams and wishes have been slow in coming, or Santa lost my list along the way, but I have so many things/people to be grateful for that in the end I feel blessed anyway). Maybe the answer to better holidays is to try to avoid the things that stress you most, if possible, and depress you, and make sure you do some of the things that are really meaningful to you and make you happy, whatever that is. I have spent Christmases in poverty (in my early writing years) and in wealth, and although it’s a great feeling to be able to buy somebody a great gift you know they want, the year that I bought items and furniture in junk stores and refinished them for people I loved was one of my best years. I worked so hard on gifts I hoped they’d love. (As for what I get, it’s often weird. People view me as having ‘so much’ or ‘everything’ that it intimidates them, so they give me nothing, or a candle—-or a fruit cake!!! (I accept chocolate all year round), what they don’t realize is how touched I am by small thoughtful gifts, however small. And there is always one gift every year, which touches my heart, and shows that someone cares and knows me well. Maybe that’s all that really matters, showing the people you care about that you’re thinking about them and care about them. Even a phone call to a beloved friend can show them that at the right time.) Anyway, try and plan a little so that the hard parts of Christmas don’t hit you quite so hard. And I’ll try to do the same!!! And if your family drives you crazy, try to shield yourself as best you can, so they don’t ruin the holiday for you, and remember that you only have to put up with them for a day or two. I never went home to my parents for the holidays after I was married, but if I had, it would have been miserable for me. (And at some point, you have to give up torturing yourself, even for a good cause, and do what’s right and good for you. You have a right to spend the holidays with who you want to be with, not people who are unkind to you, if that’s the case, and make you feel worse).  Try to shelve the old bad memories, and just focus on today. You can get through today. One day at a time, as they say.

I hope that your holidays will be fantastic. And for those of you who have the kind of Christmas we see on a Christmas card, you don’t need my help, support, or advice. But for those of you for whom the holidays are challenging, I will keep you in my thoughts. Most people don’t have such an easy time with the holidays, even though we think they do. Life is not a greeting card; sometimes it’s all too real!!!

Your mission (and mine) is to find something we love about these holidays, something to be grateful for, something fun to do (even if it’s watching your favorite TV show or old movie, with a bowl of popcorn you made yourself!!). Be good to yourself, no matter what Santa does, or how annoying your family might be, or how alone you feel. We are all in this together. May your holidays be blessed in ways you never expected, cherish the tiny moments, and the joys. I wish you the happiest of holidays…and I hope Santa comes through for you!!!

With much love, Danielle

For the past several years, I’ve been spending Halloween in Europe, and finally this year, the inevitable happened….with one ‘child’  (my youngest) a senior in college, four others in their early twenties, and the oldest three grown up and married…..NONE of my children dressed up for Halloween this year. I never thought that day would come, and just thinking about it, a bevy of their costumes come to mind….the Octopus in Little Mermaid…..the Little Mermaid herself….(the hooker in “Pretty Woman”…oops), witches, nuns, the year my oldest daughter dressed up as a pumpkin, with green dyed hair and an orange face, and then couldn’t get the orange dye off her face for 2 weeks…her boyfriend dressing up as her dog, dropping plastic ‘fleas’ all over the house….vampires, fake blood, and finally, my own Grand Finale dressed as a Whoopi Cushion a few years ago. Definitely, some memorable moments. I’m actually really sad to see this era end. But there it is….no more Halloween costumes for us. It took a while, many, many years in fact. And for all those years, they started planning their Halloween costumes as soon as summer came to an end.

With the disappearance of Halloween as a major landmark in our lives, our early warning system for the impending holidays seems to have failed. Suddenly, it is mid-November, and with a gasp, I realize that it is nearly Thanksgiving. I’ve been busy working on new books, going back and forth to Paris, working on the songs (I write the lyrics) I’ve told you about, and suddenly, holey- moley, it is almost Thanksgiving. It will be a bittersweet year for us this year, our first Thanksgiving without my children’s father, my now late ex-husband, with whom I stayed very close, and who came to all our family events and holidays. Six of our cousins will be joining us, and several friends, but we will surely feel my ex-husband John’s absence acutely. Life….with all its joys and losses, and one feels them even more at holidays. But now, suddenly I have to get ready. The kids will be coming home, relatives arriving, friends joining us for the Thanksgiving meal. The house will be exploding at the seams with boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, my many children. I hope it will be fun.

And right on the heels of Thanksgiving, everyone will be home yet again for Christmas. I love holidays, particularly Christmas, and an excuse for all of us to be together, but no question, holidays are always a mixed blessing for all of us. And in some cases, holidays are just damn hard, and some years for some of us, downright grim. So while I am looking forward to seeing my children during both holidays, and friends, I am also acutely aware of how hard the holidays can be: with the people we’ve lost, the disappointments we’ve had, the people we once loved no longer there, the family events we hope will be peaceful but are often an opportunity for stress in families. And whatever is wrong or absent in our lives is magnified by these supposed to be so wonderful days. And I remember only too well the years when I was totally alone and had no one to spend them with, the tears I shed on disappointing holidays when the people I loved just didn’t come through. I think the holidays put a huge amount of stress on most people, and are seriously depressing for others. And even in happy, healthy, close knit families, people feel the strain and pressure of Christmas. It’s an opportunity for some lovely times, but for some tough times too.

I hope that your holidays will be easy and warm, starting with Thanksgiving, and onward after that to the subsequent ones, Christmas, Chanukah, or whichever holidays. Sometimes it’s a good idea to plan ahead and try to figure out what to do with those days, if there are no immediately obvious solutions. If you don’t have family to spend it with, it’s a good idea to round up friends, or figure out what to do so the day doesn’t wind up seriously depressing. (New Year’s Eve is one of those dates for me, I never know whether to spend it with friends, or just go to bed and forget it, and not even try this year. It’s a dilemma I face every year, with no easy solutions).

So, here we are, the holidays are almost upon us. Here they come again!!! I’m not ready for them yet, although I’ve almost finished my Christmas shopping. When they roll around, I hope the holidays will be good to you this year. We all need some good cheer, some love, some hope, and some good times among family and friends. I hope that the holidays will be peaceful and easy for you, and that all your holiday dreams come true!

Love, Danielle

One of my favorite holidays is Mother’s Day—because I get celebrated, get presents and don’t have to get a year older. Wow!  Talk about a great deal.  And my kids have always given me fabulous mother’s days, and having nine kids made that a pretty exciting day.  But kids grow up, mine live in three cities, all are busy with lives and careers, some have kids, and it’s not as easy anymore to get together for Mother’s Day. I’m grateful that we manage to get together for Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and my birthday—that’s a lot.  And let’s face it, mother’s day isn’t quite as big a deal as holidays go.  And this year my Mother’s Day showed serious signs of falling apart.

I was told that one of my kids couldn’t make for the day.  Two others had plans that involved being somewhere else. Three of them were going to a bachelorette weekend on the other side of the country…and only two were able to be with me that day.  Hmph…my nose was seriously out of joint.  Two kids out of eight seemed like a pretty quiet mother’s day this year, and I crabbed about it for several weeks, and finally decided to be a good sport, and pretend to be grown up.  But I was a little disappointed not to see more of my kids.  (Okay, so I’m not always so grown up, and was being a bit of a brat).  And after muttering about it for a while, I finally gave up, and was grateful to spend it with the two kids who had agreed to spend it with me.  And I flew back from Paris to spend Mother’s Day with them.  (One forgets that two children is a normal sized family for most people….but I am used to the chaos provided by nine!  When they started leaving for college, and I ‘only’ had four left at home, I thought I had an empty house.  It’s all relative, and I don’t have an empty nest yet, since I have one child in college still at home, and several who live nearby).  In any case, my expectations of Mother’s Day this year were small.  And I stopped worrying about it after a while.

On my way back from Paris, I stopped in New York, and was told the night before I arrived, that two of my children who live there had had a change of plans.  (Both were supposed to be at the bachelorette party in another city, and I wasn’t going to see them at all).  Instead, both had to change their plans due to work.  One was flying to London, but had time to see me that afternoon before she left, the other one had to stay in New York to work, and I had dinner with her.  When I arrived at the hotel, they had left me a food basket filled with yummy things, and they spoiled me with thoughtful gifts.  I had a great visit with one daughter before she flew out, and lovely dinner with the other.  Both visits were fun and totally unexpected, and exceeded my expectations since I thought I wouldn’t see them at all.

And the next day, in San Francisco, while enjoying lunch with the two children who were planning to see me, another of my children showed up with her kids, and apparently had always intended to show up.  And we had a lot of fun.  Two hours later my nephew showed up on a visit to San Francisco for work, and the next thing I knew, one of the daughters who’d gone to the bachelorette party flew through San Francisco and came home, on her way back to LA.  What I had thought would be very quiet Mother’s Day turned into a celebration, my minimal expectations turned into a festive occasion, where I wound up seeing most of my children in two cities over two days.  And I felt lucky and blessed. I had a truly great day.

It was a real lesson to me that sometimes things turn out a lot better than we hope or plan.  I have a wise friend, who is older than I am, who lives by the mantra ‘That was then, this in now’.  I never liked the saying, but now I realize how true that is, and it’s not entirely a bad thing.  Kids grow up.  Things change.  You have to roll with the punches, go with the flow.  There is a time for macaroni necklaces, and little hands held in our own.  And it is a precious, sweet time.  But there is also something very wonderful about busy, adult children who make time for you in their lives, who manage to see you before they hop on a plane to take a trip for work, or fly home for a night, or manage to show up unexpectedly.  With slightly lowered expectations (once I stopped grousing), I had a fabulous Mother’s Day, and was grateful for the precious gift of each moment I shared with them.  And even my nephew was a wonderful addition to the day.

Things don’t always work out as we plan, and I’m a big planner and I hate it when things change.  But sometimes with the changes come new blessings, and if one can hold on not quite so tightly to the way things were, you find new blessings in the way things are.  ‘That was then, this is now’ is even truer than I thought.  And ‘now’ is filled with blessings, even if a little different than before.

My Mother’s Day turned out to be a really great day.  It would have been even if I had only spent it with two of my children….but how lucky I was to have spent it with so many more.  They made a huge effort to see me, and I was truly grateful for a wonderful day!!  Sometimes we have to give up the old ways, and see what life has in store.  And a far more spontaneous Mother’s Day turned out to be the best one of all!!

Love, Danielle

I have a pretty checkered history with Valentine’s Day, some great years, and some really bad ones. Confident ones when I was married, and knew exactly who my Valentine would be that year (for l7 years in one case, and 8 years in another). And then there have been some real slumps.  Relationships seem to be harder to come by these days, at every age. I think somehow Internet has created distance between people, while appearing to bring people (strangers in many cases), closer to each other. And I’m just not convinced that’s true. People are ‘chatting’ with total strangers, hoping to find true love, sending text messages instead of calling someone to hear their voice, and say I love you, or trying internet dating services to find The One. Something about all that suggests to me that people are having one hell of a hard time meeting the right people, although I know several people who met their spouses on the Internet, so clearly it works some of the time. Nothing in life is perfect. But I also think that people have a harder time committing these days. Nobody is sure, and most people are scared. Sensibly, no one wants to get hurt, or disappointed. They don’t marry as young, or have kids as young, they’re not rushing out of college to get married (and make some huge mistake). They’re staying single a lot longer, women make bigger incomes and aren’t necessarily looking for husbands to support them as they used to, and men are a lot more skittish, and maybe rightly so.

There is some real history here. My parents’ generation too often stayed married to people they shouldn’t have married in the first place, and were miserable for years, sometimes an entire lifetime. They didn’t want to get divorced, and staying married for 50 years to someone they didn’t love became some kind of honorable goal. (It doesn’t sound good to me. And my parents were the exception. They got divorced when I was 7, which was considered scandalous then!!). And in reaction to that, my generation, I think, got divorced too easily and sometimes too often. If they were unhappy, they bailed. And subsequent generations look around them, see all the wreckage, remember the bad stories we told about divorce, alimony, custody battles, and they are the generation that suffered for our mistakes, and many don’t want to get married at all. Marriage is not essential to romance. You don’t have to get married if you love someone. I think it should be a natural evolution, not a goal. And lots of people have children these days without getting married. But I think all of these things are signs that romantically, these are hard times. I guess somewhere out there are people who are madly in love, making good decisions, and they will live happily ever after. To be honest, I am jealous of them. I can’t think of anything better than loving someone, being loved back, and being in the right relationship. That is an incredible blessing.

But for those of us who are alone (at the moment—-do NOT give up hope. there are lots of great stories of true love found, unexpectedly, and at every age!!), I think many of us assume that everyone else is in a great relationship and we’re not. And that’s just not the case. Some people really ARE in great relationships, even ones that will last (so take that, you cynics, who think nobody ever gets it right!!! Some really do!!), and other people are in relationships we wouldn’t want on a bet—they just look good from the outside, and we really have no idea what’s going on behind closed doors. And it’s better to be alone than with a bad person, or even the wrong one (or at least that’s what I tell myself on cold nights, but I think it’s true).

So here we are. I don’t know what your Valentine’s Day will look like this year. I hope you get tons of flowers, terrific cards, and a pile of chocolates (your dentist will be thrilled!!), or better yet just one valentine from the person you love, and who loves you just as much. I think Valentine’s Day is absolutely wonderful if you’re in love. If not, you can send friends a bunch of really rude cards, and try to forget what day it is when it comes around. Try to remember that if this Valentine’s Day isn’t a great one, there is an excellent chance that next year will be better, no matter how old you are. It’s not over til it’s over, and as the French say “love has no age”. It can hit you anytime, and does. So don’t give up.

If it’s a great one for you this year, I salute you. If not, take heart, there are plenty of us in the same boat. It’s kind of like a club you may or may not get invited to join—-this year. And nothing feels worse than being left out. I’m afraid that I’m in for a replay of 3rd grade this year, but that’s the way it works sometimes. Look at it this way, you can buy your own box of chocolates and you don’t have to share them with anyone. Keep your chin up……and I still believe in love. Have a great Valentine’s Day, no matter what. I love YOU.   Danielle

Wow!!! The aftermath of Christmas…..I love the holidays, and all the cozy, childlike traditions we embrace. The old decorations we hang on the tree from bygone years, that bring back memories, the trees we put in the same place and decorate in the same way. I love that my kids come home, though never for as long as I’d like (like forever….or what about a time machine to take us back to the years when they were tiny and we waited for Santa Claus to arrive, breathlessly!!! And I knew that they would be home for years and years, instead of all grown up, and only home now for days). Christmas brings back so many memories, many of them so tender, and others so bittersweet (like those that include my son Nick, who is no longer here). But even grown up Christmases, with adult kids, are fun. They’re just different than they used to be. Everything now is in High Definition, and rushes past at lightning speed. We wait for Christmas all year, and it’s over before you know it.

So now, the kids have left, save my college senior who still lives with me, in a separate apartment in the house, with an incredibly full and busy life. But mine is pretty busy too. The others have gone, their rooms are empty again, they left with their dogs, their gifts, and left a trail of small things behind. And for one precious week, when they’re here for Christmas, I can almost pretend that they are kids again, but not quite. We cooked dinners together, had lunch in the kitchen, and had breakfast together every day. Sheer heaven for me. I flew from Paris to be in San Francisco with them, and just missed the giant snowstorm that shut the Paris airport down (and airports all over Europe). I got out right before they closed the airport, and get out by the skin of my teeth every year, and made it home the day before the kids. They’re off to their own cities again, and after I organize things a little, I will be off to Europe again, to freezing weather and probably more snow. (And it’s cold in San Francisco too). Each of my kids came home with their dog, so the house was full of laughing, barking, and friends visiting. And the only thing we couldn’t fit in this year was baking brownies for our friends, there just wasn’t time. Next year.

There were some really fun times, family dinners, lots of cooking, and one night when we all cooked, and danced in the kitchen while we did. I love all the activity and chaos that goes with having a big family (if not, why have so many kids? I have always loved everything that goes with it, multiplied by nine). And dancing in the kitchen while cooking is fine with me, better than fine. In fact, it seems so deadly dull in the kitchen now without them, and all the music, dogs and noise. Big families are not for everyone, but they suit me just fine!!! The kids are the greatest joy of my life, and my house has been much too quiet since they left home.

There were sobering moments this Christmas too, with one member of the family ill, recently diagnosed, and our love and attention and concern was focused on him. But with so many people loving and caring for him, we hope that he’ll do well, and recover soon. But things like that are a reality that none of us can escape, and remind me of what I write about—-that no matter how perfect our lives seem to people outside the family, or how fortunate one is, how blessed, or how materially comfortable, none of us can escape the dangers, sadnesses and sometimes bad surprises in life. We are so grateful for the happy moments and good times, but no one is exempt from the bad moments too. They are better when shared, but no one can escape the bumps in the road. (I had an email from a friend 2 days ago, that his mother is very sick, and 2 of my friends in Europe are ill too). Our human frailty and vulnerability is a common bond we all share. We can’t escape our own humanity, our frailties, and those of the people we love. It’s a good reminder to reach out to people we care about, at whatever age. It’s good to stay close and spend time with those we love.

I hope that your holidays were as good as you hoped they would be, or even better, and that the memories will keep you warm for a long time. And if for whatever reason, your holidays fell short this year, then put them behind you, like last year’s Christmas decorations, and let’s move ahead into a bright, healthy, exciting new year. Let’s all look forward to the blessings and good times ahead. May the coming year be a wonderful one for you, and may all your dreams come true.

Love, Danielle

And somehow, New Year’s Eve always seems even worse to me. The WHOLE world is celebrating New Year’s Eve, or appears to be (which isn’t necessarily the case on Valentine’s Day). People in Times Square are waiting for the ‘ball’ to drop to announce the new year. People are dancing, celebrating, and kissing at midnight….uh oh, there’s the rub….what do you do on New Year’s Eve if you have no one to kiss at midnight???? You’re in deep doo-doo there, and the whole evening is liable to be a bust, as you watch happy couples celebrating. Talk about feeling left out!!!

I used to give a fancy dinner dance on New Year’s Eve, elegant and somewhat formal, and then the game of musical chairs left me without a seat, and suddenly I was the odd man out at my own dinner dance, and had a really lousy time with no date, no one to dance with, and no midnight kiss to bring the new year in. Before that, when I was married, sometimes it was fun (usually in fact), to do nothing at all, go to bed early, and watch old movies on TV. More often than not, we were asleep long before midnight, cuddled up, and starting the new year cozily. That’s my ideal way to spend New Year’s Eve. But if you’re not with someone you care about—-then what?? I don’t like to go out, because I don’t want to worry about other drivers having too much to drink, and getting in an accident. So I like to stay home on New Year’s Eve. And then what? That’s where the dilemma comes in. What do you do?? I like having friends in, but year after year, I’m the only one alone, without a date. Ouch. It makes for an awkward scene at midnight when everyone is kissing and you’re not. I’ve tried to wrestle with the problem in numerous ways. I stopped doing the formal dinner dances, and switched to a more informal dinner. I figured that less fancy food would make it seem like less of an ‘event’….but the moment of truth always came….just like Cinderella, the clock strikes twelve inexorably, and Cinderella lost her glass slipper, and watched the coach turned into a pumpkin, and I watched my coupled friends kissing at midnight, and wound up seriously depressed every time. (Well, not seriously, but sad for a moment or two.) I switched to serving fast food (hamburgers, hot dogs, pizza, corn dogs) instead of elegant meals on New Year’s Eve—how romantic can you get over curly fries and corn dogs with a side of chili (not to mention the indigestion afterward not being conducive to romance). That still didn’t do the trick. For several years now, I’ve given poker parties on New Year’s Eve. I love to play, and if I’m winning twenty dollars, how upset can I be over no one to kiss at midnight? Well, I love winning the twenty dollars, but that midnight moment still got to me. And this year, I was about ready to give up. My great debate for several months was which would depress me more: going to bed and doing absolutely nothing (would I feel like a total loser to be alone, or relieved??? hard to say), or should I keep plugging along and have friends over on New Year’s Eve, knowing I’d be the only one without a partner or mate? For some reason, this year I had a really tough time deciding. I used to hire a band, and this year, let them go, and let someone else hire them instead. I didn’t feel like playing poker. I didn’t want to have no one to dance with, and no one to kiss. I was tired of being a good sport about it—-but not quite brave enough to do nothing at all. So I have sat on the fence, unable to guess which evening would be the easiest for me. And finally, I decided to give it up, and go to bed this year, and forget celebrating New Year’s entirely. I mentioned it to one of my daughters who was appalled, and absolutely forbid me to do nothing. She actually made me feel guilty for being such a bad sport about the evening entirely, and shamed me into pulling my socks up, sucking it up, and making New Year’s Eve plans after all.

Okay, so I’m back in business. I’m having friends over for dinner on New Year’s Eve, half a dozen couples I really like and enjoy. I will serve decent food, not fast food this year, we’ll play some poker after dinner, I’ve hired a DJ, and those who want to will dance….and the midnight moment will come….people will kiss. I won’t. And I’ll survive. And maybe next year will be better, and New Year’s Eve will be more fun. Or maybe it will be just fine to be with friends, celebrate the evening, and share a new year with friends, EVEN without getting kissed at midnight. It is what it is. And I have a feeling I’ll be fine….they’ll play Auld Lang Syne, and I’ll be nostalgic for a minute, the clock will strike midnight, I wont turn into a pumpkin, I won’t lose the glass slipper (I’ll be sure not to wear my glass slippers that night!!), and the new year will arrive, just as it does every year. And we’ll start the new year together. Sometimes you just have to make the best of it, and enjoy being with good friends. I usually have the best time on the nights I don’t expect to…..so maybe it will be a great New Year’s Eve after all…..I’m counting on it….and if it isn’t, I can always go to bed and pull the covers over my head next year….but this year I’m going to be a good sport about it…..again. I hope your New Year’s Eve, and the whole year to follow afterward will be fabulous!!! Happy New Year!!!

Much Love, Danielle

Long ago, I had some very lonely Thanksgivings, at a very small table, and even now, nothing in life is perfect—no matter how many laughing, smiling people we are at our dinner table, there will always be an ache in my heart over the one person who isn’t there: my son Nick, who died at 19 (he would always come downstairs wearing something totally outrageous on Thanksgiving, and have to be sent back to his room to change (usually several times!!!), and oh how I miss that now!!! Not to mention the year he showed up in clown pants with a red tie with GIANT white polka dots, and of course I sent him back to put a suit on (he was 14 or 15 and full of fun and mischief, with a wicked sense of humor!!….and the final version was always handsome and respectable, whew!!! But until we got there, I did some serious complaining!!!)……my three married older kids usually go to their in-laws on Thanksgiving, so we are all together for Christmas, but not on Thanksgiving…..so there is always something missing in all our lives on these special days, no matter how perfect and joyful they seem from the outside….in my more solitary days, before I married and had many children, I came across a quote in the Bible once that stayed with me and said “God places the solitary in families”, and he certainly did that for me, and a very big family at that. But there are other kinds of families that feed our souls too, families made up of friends, and good people we enjoy. And some years, there is no one to be with, and maybe then, we can be of use to others who need our help even more. But whoever we spend Thanksgiving with, or how we spend it, if we can find one tiny thing to be grateful for, it makes the day worthwhile…..I hope that your Thanksgiving is filled with blessings, people you love, a great turkey and good times….but even if you spend it quietly, or even alone, I hope that gratitude touches and warms your heart. One of my favorite Thanksgivings was the year that someone put our turkey back in the freezer the night before (don’t ask me why), and when I woke up on Thanksgiving morning, at dawn, to cook the turkey, it was of course frozen rock solid, and I spent the morning dashing to small, local markets that were open, to buy a bunch of chickens, which I cooked for our Thanksgiving dinner. I started out really annoyed about it, and by the end of the morning, I was laughing at the absurdity of it….and the chickens didn’t take nearly as long to cook, and weren’t as dry!!! Everyone loved it!!!. However you spend the day, I hope it warms your heart, and that there are smiles and grateful moments in it for you. I hope that your Thanksgiving is filled with blessings in abundance, even if not obvious ones, and I hope that no matter what, you find one thing to be thankful for. If so, it will light up your day. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Love, Danielle

Back in Paris, I turned up the heat, pulled out my winter coats, and threw myself into the fall activities in Paris. One of my favorites is a big art fair that happens every October called the FIAC, which I had fun browsing. It happens at the Grand Palais, a beautiful old glass structure with domes like a Palace, where there are many art exhibitions, fashion shows, and cultural events throughout the year. It’s a fabulous building, recently restored to its original beauty in the past few years. I wandered the aisles, looking at all the booths and a dizzying amount of art, as well as several smaller art fairs that sprout up at the same time. September is the month for antique fairs in Paris, and October for art fairs, and I thoroughly enjoy both, and try to see them all.

I caught up with friends after the summer, invited my favorite ladies for lunch, and am planning to give a Halloween dinner, with decorations I brought from the states. Halloween is virtually non-existent in France, and all of Europe, so it’s fun bringing a bit of that to Paris. I’ve been taking long walks in the chilly weather, doing some shopping, and starting to plan for Christmas. It just feels like winter again, and as incredibly beautiful and appealing as spring and summer are in Paris, it’s beautiful here in winter too. They’re starting to string up the Christmas lights in the trees on the Champs Elysees, although they’re not lit yet, but Paris goes all out decorating for Christmas, the way we used to do in years past, and no longer do to the same extent. Winter is in the air here, and Christmas will be here before we know it….I’m ready for the Parisian winter, and will be back in California for the holidays too…..so Indian summer is officially over….bundle up….I can hardly wait for the first winter snow blanketing all the parks and monuments of Paris, and hanging off the trees like lace. It’s so beautiful here!!! I miss the summer sun, but it’s exciting that winter is here!!!